13 Reasons Why
by Anonymous Skrtle
Summary: 12 year old Katie Knight's dead body is found washed up on the side of a lake. A suicide note is found inside her pocket. Two weeks later, Kendall Knight finds a box of tapes lying on top of his mailbox. In them lies 13 reasons, 13 different people, to blame for Katie's death. Rating may change. Slight AU.
1. The Beginning of the End

_**Prologue**_

* * *

Katie Knight couldn't believe she was doing it.

She grabbed the box, walked quietly out of her bedroom. _Please… please don't let anyone wake up._

Katie turned back around, went back in her room and stuffed a bunch of clothes under her blanket to make it seem like there was a lump underneath it. She turned on the lights, looking at her room one last time.

The Big Time Rush posters, her stock market reports… this was the last time she'd ever see them again. She felt tears in her eyes, but she knew it had to be done.

It was way overdue.

She walked out for the second time, closed the door shut gently behind her. The box slipped from her hands. She winced at the loud crash it made. She froze. _Please, please don't let anyone wake up…_

"K…Katie?" Katie turned, her eyes widening. "Wh… what are ya doing?" She breathed softly. Kendall. She'd forgotten the boys were sleeping on the couch tonight, probably tired after a long day at rehearsal.

"I'm… I'm just getting a drink. Accidentally knocked over a chair. Sorry, go back to sleep." Kendall grunted something incomprehensible, turned around and started snoring again.

Hard to believe that would be the last time Katie heard his voice.

Breathing a sigh of relief, Katie picked the box up, walked towards the door. She put the box down in front of the door, turned back and stared down at her four snoring brothers. Kendall, James, Logan, and Carlos.

The boys who had ruined her life. One way or another.

She bent down and kissed Kendall on the forehead. It would be the last time she was doing it, after all. No need to be embarrassed. She kissed each of them on the cheek, first little Carlos, then smart, smart Logan, then James. That last one lasted a little longer.

She picked the box up, opened the front door, stepped out. Closed the door behind her softly. Took the elevator downstairs, exited the lobby.

She grabbed her bike, accidentally scraping the handlebars. But who cared anyways? She wouldn't need it after tonight anyways. She tied the box to the bike, started pedaling towards her destination. She had to get the box to the right person. She knew who it was going to be now. It just suddenly came to her.

Someone trustworthy, maybe the last kind person left in the world. Maybe that was an exaggeration, but whatever. She didn't care anymore.

She stopped in front of the building, dropped the box off. Wrote the name on the box with black marker. Finally let it go, all her hard work, got back on the bike.

She found herself in front of the bridge before she knew it. She tossed the bike aside. She felt the wind blowing in her hair as she walked onto the bridge. She looked down. The water was churning beneath her loudly. So loud she almost couldn't hear herself breathing.

Car horns beeped, she heard some people laughing. It had been a long time since she'd even felt happiness and joy.

Too long.

She took a deep breath… was this really worth it?

She pulled her sleeves up, saw the scars. Reached into her pocket, felt the note. Her suicide note.

It was worth it.

She climbed up, looked down. She was ready. Ready to leave.

She was more than ready. She was _excited. _Excited to leave this cruel world and go to whatever lay beyond it.

Finally, _finally,_ she could let go.

The water felt good on her face, and she thought she saw a bright light before everything turned black.

_**Chapter 1**_

* * *

_Two weeks later…_

_ Ding!_

Kendall waited for the elevator doors to open, and then stepped out cautiously. He looked around, but didn't know what he had been looking for, exactly. What was he afraid of? What had he expected?

He walked through the lobby, ignoring the pitiful stares he received from everyone. He dug into the pocket of his coat, fished out his keys, and unlocked the mailbox with the "2J" on it.

He took the mail out, shutting the mailbox just as quickly. He was just about to leave, when he saw it.

A box, lying on top of the mailboxes. It had his name on it. _Kendall Knight._ He grabbed it and stuffed it into his coat. He didn't want anyone to see it, but he didn't know why. Just had a feeling it was important. And personal.

When he got home, he locked his door and ripped the box open. Something hard and black fell out. He picked it off the floor, wrinkling his eyebrows in confusion when he saw a tape. Like, one of those cassette tapes people in the 70's used.

"What the…?" Kendall muttered to himself. The peeked into the box and saw a sheet of paper stuck in. He took it out.

_Hello, Kendall. I see the tapes have gotten to you. Good. Good to see it got this far already. Well, there are rules to this, so read carefully: _

Who _was_ this person? How did they know his name? Maybe it was one of those crazy creepy fan stalker people. Kendall nodded to himself. That was it.

_1. Listen to all the tapes in __**order**_**. **Kendall looked in the box, saw that there were 5 tapes total.

_2. Pass the tapes on to the next person in line. If you're the last one, return it to the keeper of these tapes. You'll know who it is. Trust me._

Kendall was getting more and more confused by the second. What was going on? He doubted this was a fan. He highly doubted it.

_3. You __**must **__pass the tapes on to the next person. If you don't, the keeper will reveal all the secrets hidden inside of them. _Secrets? What secrets? What could possibly be bad enough that Kendall wouldn't want to get out?

_So that's it. You must be wondering what the heck is going on, right? Well, there are 5 tapes in this box, and each containing 3 reasons why. Except for the last one, which only has number 13 in it. That's the worst one, trust me. Whoever lucky number 13 is, you can keep these tapes. And they will be with you forever and ever... _

_ Just listen to the tapes. It'll all be explained in time. You'll see._

Kendall put the note down, confused. What the heck was this? How did whoever it was know his name, if it hadn't been a fan? What if it was sent to the wrong person?

But who else was named Kendall Knight? Even if there was someone with the exact same name as him, what chance was there that they were supposed to receive this same exact box?

But when Kendall read the last two lines of the note, he felt his heart freeze, his breathing stop. Everything made sense.

_Get ready for the ride of your life, Big Brother._

_ Katie Knight_

**A/N- I'M STARTING A NEW STORY! Who's excited? I know I should be updating my other ones… but yeah. This idea came to me after I read **_**13 Reasons Why **_**by Jay Asher. LOVED THE BOOK! **

**Basically, Katie is the one who killed herself, if you didn't get that from the prologue. Aw… I know, my first main character death… Poor Katie.**

**Anyways, if you're still confused, all will be explained next chapter. And by the way, the **_**italics**_** next chapter will mean that Katie is talking in the tapes. **

**Review if you can, please? I want to know if anyone's going to read this story… so please? ;)**

**Peace, Love, and Giraffes,**

**Anonymous Skrtle **


	2. The Teller of Secrets

_**Chapter 2**_

Kendall's breath hitched. His heart thumped painfully against his chest. He thought he was going to puke. He thought he was going to die.

His little sister, his sweet baby sister, had killed herself and then recorded tapes explaining why she had done it. Her voice, her beautiful voice, in those tapes. Blaming people one by one for her death.

Kendall didn't understand. What had he ever done to his little sister to deserve this pain? He dedicated his whole life to protect Katie, only to find that… she had killed herself and blamed him?

_It'll all be explained in time._ Kendall took a deep breath and tried to calm himself. When he didn't feel like he was going to drop dead on the face of the earth, he took out each of the tapes, stuffed them in his desk. He picked out the first one with shaky hands, the one that had the big number '1' on it.

He needed a tape player so he could listen. Why hadn't Katie provided that for him? Did she expect him to have one already, one of those old things?

Kendall suddenly remembered. His mom had one in her bedroom, under the bed. Had Katie known that? Had she really planned this out that far? Kendall decided not to ponder on it, instead leaving his room and walking into his mom's.

He could still smell Katie in the bed sheets, where she'd sometimes slept with her mom just for the sake of it. He bent down, took out the tape player, and brushed the dust off of it. When was the last time it had been used? Would it still even work?

But all Kendall's worries disappeared when he stuck the tape in, pressed play, and heard static. He grabbed his earphones, plugged them in, pressed pause, and locked his door.

This was private. He didn't want anyone to come in. This was just him. Him and Katie's voice. Kendall felt cold at that fact.

He sat down, put his earphones in, and took a deep breath before pressing play.

He was ready to handle whatever Katie would throw his way.

_Hello, everyone._ Katie's voice, so beautiful and so familiar that Kendall completely changed his mind .He wasn't ready for this. He wasn't.

But somehow, somehow, his hand pressed the play button, and Kendall didn't stop it.

_So, if you didn't know by now, this is Katie Knight. Yes, the girl who drowned herself some time ago. I wonder if you guys have forgotten about me already._

Kendall felt tears in his eyes. He'd never forget Katie. Never.

_This is how it works. There are 5 tapes in the box you received, and each one has 3 reasons in them. Reasons for what, you may ask? Reasons for why I killed myself. Each reason is a new story, a new experience, about how one person ruined my life. It doesn't go in order, but let me tell you, the last 4 is where it gets bad. _

_ And number 13, lucky number 13, you're the worst one there is. The worst human being in my world. _

_ And you deserve to die in the most painful way possible._

_ Congratulations, guys and girls! You are one of my 13 reasons. So good luck._

_ But, anyways, listen to these tapes in order. If you don't, trust me, the keeper of the second set of tapes will know. He or she is possibly the last person in my life who hasn't hurt me yet. And it's going to stay that way._

_ When you are done with these tapes, go send them to the next person in line. And if you are lucky number 13, then you can keep them if you want. It'll be a great memory. I mean, isn't it great knowing that you're the number 1 reason someone killed themselves?_

Kendall paused it. Tears streamed down his face. _He_ was one of the reasons Katie killed herself. Him, the big brother. Him, who was supposed to take care of Katie.

Katie's sarcasm scared him. Had she really felt that much disgust for number 13? But then it struck him.

What if _he _was number 13?

Kendall let out a small sob, reaching up to wipe the tears from his eyes. He had to listen to all these tapes, one by one, and if his name didn't show up by number 12, then he'll know that he was the number 1 reason why Katie died.

He didn't want that. He was scared; so scared.

_Anyways, sorry about that. You know, I'm kinda sorry about the whole thing. I probably scared a bunch of people, emotionally scarred them, because of my death. And for that, I'm sorry. Really sorry._

_ But it had to be done. I just couldn't keep on living in this cruel world anymore. It was just too much. And for those of you thinking that I was just a wimp and a baby, then this is why you get to listen to these tapes._

_ To know that I had good reasons for doing what I did. 13 of them, actually. 13 great reasons, really._

_ So… you guys ready? I'll start nice and easy, with number 1._

Kendall was sobbing now, small sobs that seemed to echo around his room. His baby sister, dead, and now apologizing for killing herself, but not regretting it. It was all so confusing, so painful.

But he wanted to hear the reasons. He _needed_ to hear them. He needed to get revenge on whoever hurt Katie.

And maybe get revenge on himself, too.

_Number 1. This is the girl who kind of started the whole thing. The bomb that started off all the other bombs._

_ Stephanie King._

Kendall stopped sobbing like a little girl, now resorting to sniffling. He didn't know if he could do this. Hearing about how all the people close to him hurt the girl who was the closest to him. His little sister.

_Stephanie, Stephanie, Stephanie. I remember when I first met you. I thought you were pretty cool. After all, if a girl was smart enough and clever enough to trick my brothers into believing that there was a ghost (which actually isn't that hard) in the Palm Woods, I'm a fan of hers. _

_ You were pretty cool, Steph. Can I still call you that, or am I your archenemy now? Anyways, you became my first official friend since moving from Minnesota. _

_ That's when it gets bad. I trusted you with all my secrets, confessed to you all my confessions. But I shouldn't have done that._

_ Really shouldn't have._

_ One day I told you my biggest secret and trusted in you to keep it. I just needed to tell someone, and I thought telling my best friend was a pretty good idea, right?_

_ Wrong._

_ You spread that stupid secret around like wildfire in a forest. You even promised me, Stephanie, that you would never, ever, tell anyone about it._

_ You swore on your life._

_ You told even though you knew how horrible it was. Even though you knew I was sobbing that night, having just woken up from a nightmare. That nightmare. _

_ You told even though you said you were my best friend._

_ I didn't know about it until I read someone's tweet on Twitter. Didn't want to believe it until someone shoved me onto the ground and called me that name._

_ Whore._

_ No one knew about my secret except for you, Steph. But now everyone does. But you guys listening to these tapes, maybe not. Stephanie, you made sure to tell people who didn't know me, who weren't close to me._

_ So when they laughed and hit me, they didn't feel bad about doing it._

_ So here it is: my darkest secret._

_ When I was 7, my dad was still living with us. I can't believe my mom and my brother Kendall never knew about this, but I kept it so hidden. I didn't want anyone to know about it._

_ That's why you spilling the secret hurt that much more, Stephanie. _

_ Kendall and my mom were out at hockey practice, and my dad locked all the doors and closed all the shades. He brought me into his bedroom, made me strip off all my clothes._

_ He said I was going to take a shower._

_ Except obviously, I didn't. I knew something was wrong when he started stripping, too. I knew something was seriously wrong._

_ The phone rang, and my dad picked it up. Said he was busy. Hung up. Then he turned around and pushed me onto his bed._

_ The rest, you guys can all pretty much figure out. I've had nightmares about it ever since. The experience itself has never dulled in my memory._

_ I will never forget it._

_ And now it seems as though no one else will, either._

_ That night, I had another nightmare. I called you up, Stephanie, told you I had a huge secret I had been keeping from everyone. _

_ I still remember exactly what you said to me. Word for word. "You can tell me, Katie, I'll never judge you." And when I asked if you promised you wouldn't tell anyone, "I swear on my life. I would never tell a soul. Trust me."_

_ Was that just an act? A funny little act of yours? You've always liked being in movies, Stephanie… was this just a movie to you? Was being my friend just a movie to you?_

_ "You're such a whore." That's what people spit out at me every day, when no one was looking. Girls slapped me, humiliated me. Hated on me. The word "incest" spread around, and that's all people saw in me. They never got to know me, only judged me by that one fact._

_ All because of that stupid mistake my dad made when I was 7._

_ You don't even know how much crap I got for that, Stephanie. Why would you tell? Why? How was it any benefit to you? That's all I want to know._

_ You were my best friend, Stephanie, but you betrayed me. And for what? Popularity? I doubt you can get that by telling people that a 12 year old had sex with her father._

_ But hey, maybe you can_

_ But was it really worth it? Was it really worth my humiliation and pain? Stephanie, I will never forget what you've done to me._

_ So folks, that there is reason number 1. Stephanie King, the Teller of Secrets._

_ Sounds pretty cool, right? But you guys know better now._

Static. A pause before the next reason. Kendall pressed pause.

Kendall didn't know what to do. Didn't know what to think. Everything just came to him at once, hitting him like a ton a bricks.

He'd never know. Katie had never told him. Never told him that his own father raped her. And when she was only 7. Seven years old, practically still a baby.

But she'd trusted Stephanie enough, shared that girl to girl bond with her, to tell her, and what had she done? Told everyone. Spurted the secret out like there would be no consequences.

Kendall threw his earphones down, standing up. He whipped the door open, ran down the hall and down the stairs to the lobby. His vision was red.

Hot anger, burning fury, flamed up inside of him. How could Stephanie do this? How could she do this to Katie, his baby sister?

He didn't know where he was going. Just knew he needed to find that girl, that witch. He needed to make her pay.

But he wasn't surprised at Bitter's reply when he demanded to know where Stephanie King was.

"She moved away. Never told anyone where she was going."

**A/N- So what'd you guys think about the chapter? I got a bunch of alerts and reviews and favorites last chapter, so thanks so much! **

**Not really much to say, but review PLEASE? I'm actually begging you; make my day brighter by reviewing. Please? Next chapter will be person number 2, and you'll see a little interaction between Kendall and other people.**

**Remember to review! **

**Peace, Love, and Giraffes,**

**Anonymous Skrtle **


	3. The Blackmailing Liar

_**Chapter 3**_

* * *

"Kendall? Sweetie, are you alright?" Kendall was greeted by his mom the moment he stormed back into 2J. His fists were clenched tightly, his breathing hard and heavy, and his face red with anger and grief.

No wonder she thought something was wrong.

"I'm… I'm fine. Just… got a little emotional about… about Katie." Kendall whispered the last part, the part that was true. Mrs. Knight had tears in her eyes.

"Oh, Kendall, I'm so sorry! Sweetie… I don't know what to say." A tear slipped down her cheek. Kendall hugged his mom tightly, wishing he could never let go.

But he eventually did, and he tried to smile a little for his mom's sake. "It's alright. Don't cry. As long as we're together, mom, we'll be fine." Kendall assured her. But at times like this, he didn't even believe it himself.

Katie was part of their family, part of the Knight puzzle. With her gone, it was like the family was an incomplete puzzle. A puzzle that would never be completed. Katie wasn't there, and neither was his dad...

At that thought, Kendall felt tears well up in his eyes. His father, his daddy, his role model growing up, had sexually… hurt his baby sister. Kendall didn't know what to think. Why was it that everyone close to him was turning out to be someone different?

Kendall was still in shock about Stephanie. Stephanie King, the girl who'd played a harmless prank on them and became their friend. A traitor, just like his dad. Kendall's heart ached.

Mrs. Knight kissed Kendall's cheek softly. "Sweetie, I'll leave you alone. I feel like you need some time alone, alright? Is that okay?"

Kendall kissed her back. "Y-yeah, thanks mom." At least he still had his mom.

"I'll have dinner ready by 6, alright?" Kendall nodded, not trusting himself to say anything without letting out sobs.

Kendall turned back and walked into his room and stared at those horrifying tapes. The tapes that had ruined his sister's life, and soon, his.

He sat down, put his earphones on, and pressed play.

_Wow. I gave you guys a bad one for number 1. Hope you guys are still hanging there, eagerly awaiting your number. Let me just tell you, not all of them are as bad as Stephanie… but some of them are worse. But number 2… I don't know. Number 2's pretty much as bad as number 1. I guess. But it's your opinion._

_ Let's all welcome number 2: Jo Taylor. _

Kendall froze. Jo? As in… his girlfriend Jo? He let out a pained sob. Everything was falling apart so fast.

_My big brother Kendall was stuck in a love triangle at one time. Lucy Stone and Jo Taylor were both in love with him. I, honestly, wanted him to get with Lucy._

_ But that's when jealousy kicked in._

_ Jo, you knew that I supported Kendall and Lucy, and you knew that Kendall would listen to my opinion. After all, I'm his little sister, right?_

_ You were jealous of Lucy; thought Kendall would pick her over you. And the envy took you over, and you wanted Kendall so badly that… that you'd do anything to get him. That's when things got bad._

_ I don't know how you did it, Jo, but one day I checked my email and you sent me a file full of pictures._

_ I opened it, and there they were: pictures of me naked, in my panties, in the shower, everything. I don't know what kind of stalker you are, Jo, but you were a pretty good one._

_ And down below the pictures, a typed message. "Convince Kendall to be with Lucy and this is what the whole Palm Woods gets to see."_

_ I'll just state it out loud, plain and simple. You blackmailed me. You blackmailed to so you could be with Kendall, the man of your dream, apparently. Of course, I was scared, and so I supported you and Kendall from then on._

_ I told Kendall you were the better choice, and he picked you. I was relieved, thought you would stop sending me emails of my own naked body. Thought you would stop the blackmailing._

_But I should've known better._

_ The night of you and Kendall's first date, I found them. Found those pictures on Twitter, public and clear for everyone to see. And they did see them. Saw them and laughed. Saw them and called me that name again. That name and more._

_ I can't say them out loud… the names were that bad. I would feel dirty myself saying them out loud. But of course, they didn't think that at all._

_ They spat those words at me as if they were nothing._

_ Jo, I don't understand. I did everything you asked me to do, and yet you never kept your promise. I trusted you, thought that even though you seemed evil, you would stop the threats after I did what you wanted me to._

_ But I was wrong to do that._

_ Stephanie's whole secret spilling thing had already made me an object of humiliation for half the people at the Palm Woods. But now what you did… now I was an object for seventy five percent._

_ So yeah, thanks for that._

_ Jo, I hope you're happy with Kendall, because you sure didn't keep your promise with me. I don't know what you'll do to my brother._

_ But maybe it's just me, right? Stupid little Katie Knight, who had a big brother the girls dreamed about. Katie Knight, who could be pushed around, but not her brother. Katie Knight, whose brother was a dream. My brother was a dream, but I was a nightmare._

_ So there you are, guys: number 2. Pretty, pretty little stalker number 2. Jo Taylor: the Blackmailing Liar._

Kendall paused the tape, leaned back in his chair, tears streaming down his face. "Katie, why didn't you ever tell me?" He whispered, his words coming out in pained sobs. But there was no answer.

_My brother was a dream, I was a nightmare._ Katie's beautiful, beautiful voice, calling herself a nightmare. Kendall thought he was going to die.

Kendall didn't sob this time, just silently cried as he felt hot tears streaming down his cheeks and his face, into his shirt. But he didn't care.

All that mattered was Katie. And now she was gone.

Jo, Jo Taylor. Kendall knew she still lived here. She'd been the first one to comfort him after they… found Katie.

He still remembered it clearly.

He remembered running into Jo as he tried desperately to stop himself from jumping off a cliff.

_"Kendall? Kendall, I know it hurts, but you have to stay strong."_

_ Kendall sobbed into Jo's neck. "I-I'm trying… but I just can't believe she's gone…"_

_ Jo kissed the top of his head. "We all loved Katie, Kendall, and we still do. I'm so sorry, Kendall… but don't forget about your best friends, your family. Don't forget about us, Kendall."_

_ Kendall nodded. "I-I won't, I'll never, Jo. I'll never forget you guys. I… It just hurts right now, ya know?"_

_ Jo smiled a little. "Yeah, I know."_

_ They sat there in the rain, sobbing into each other's chests, grieving for their lost little sister._

Kendall slammed his fist on his desk. "You little _liar_." He whispered. His breathing got heavy, his eyes started to see red.

She never loved Katie. She never did. She wasn't sad about Katie's death… she'd been a deceiving liar this whole time. She had never grieved for her. She had never loved her.

And Kendall would _never_ love someone who didn't love his little sister.

Kendall didn't know how he got there, but he found himself in front of Jo's apartment door. He kicked it open.

Jo was sitting on the couch, brushing her hair. Kendall felt himself getting angrier and angrier.

"Kendall? Hey, how are you doing?" Jo asked softly. Kendall almost fell for it, almost thought she was genuine. But then he remembered. _She's a liar._

"Shut up, Jo. Shut up. I know what you did to Katie." He was practically growling his words now, breaths getting louder and louder.

His fists clenching tighter and tighter.

Jo seemed to deflate. Her eyes lost its shine, her body lost its prideful position. "Kendall… K-Kendall." She had tears in her eyes.

But Kendall didn't feel bad for her one bit.

"I'm so sorry…" Jo whispered.

Kendall slammed the door closed behind him. "Shut _up, _Jo! You _killed _my sister! You humiliated her in front of _everyone!_" Kendall screamed.

Jo shrunk back, her eyes fearful. _She's a liar._

"K-Kendall-"

Kendall stepped in front of her face. "No. Stop. Don't _ever_ say my name again. I don't love you anymore. I will _never_ love you again."

Jo sobbed, makeup running down her face. "Kendall, please… I-I'm sorry. I was just jealous… I thought you loved her more than me. I-I… just didn't see another way." _She's a liar._

Kendall scoffed. "_You didn't see another way?_ What kind of excuse is that? There were _millions_ of other ways, you liar! You could have talked to me, talked to Lucy, done _anything_ other than hurt my baby sister!"

Jo shook her head. "N-no, Kendall, I'm sorry-"

Kendall unclenched his fists, placed his palms on Jo's chest and shoved her backwards with all his might.

She crashed into the coffee table, a mug spilling onto the ground. Kendall heard her cry out in pain. _She's a liar._

But no matter what, Kendall couldn't, wouldn't, hit a girl.

"K-Kendall…"

"And just so you know…" Kendall started, walking back towards the door. "I _do _love her better."

And then he left.

**A/N- Fast update, huh? Kinda… it's fast for ME, alright? So anyways… Jo this chapter. Do you think she deserved what she got? Tell me in a review, maybe?**

**I just so you guys know, all these reviews and alerts and favorites are making me burst with happiness! Literally! I just as a hint (wink wink), reviews are like the fuel to my faster updates. Hopefully that made sense. ;)**

**Anyways, hope you like the chapter and review to tell you what you thought about it! **

**Peace Out,**

**Anonymous Skrtle **


	4. The Dirty Witch

_**Chapter 4**_

He couldn't believe he had hurt Jo. Jo, his long time girlfriend. Jo, who had stuck with him when Katie had died.

But he didn't regret it. She had lied.

Kendall sighed wearily, sitting down at his desk. He picked up one of the tapes, staring at them bitterly.

These tapes were taking over his life. They were making him angry at the world, at the people he used to be close with.

But that was only because those people deserved to suffer his wrath.

Right?

Kendall decided not to think to deeply about it. He was ready to hear about the next person. The next reason. Well, as ready as he ever could be.

He found that he was actually eager to find out who the next person was. Did that make him cruel?

_Those first two were bad, I know. I'm sorry for giving you all the bad ones at the beginning. But let me tell you, some of these people in the future aren't going to be half as bad. But as I said before, the last few are probably worse._

_ Maybe._

_ Well, I've really got nothing else to say, so I'll just go right into this next one. This girl, and yes, I know they've all been girls so far, was the first to physically humiliate me. Stephanie and Jo, they verbally betrayed me. But this next girl physically did._

_ And I think that's worse._

_ Let's give three claps for number 3: Mercedes Griffin._

For some reason, Kendall wasn't surprised. Mercedes was Griffin's daughter, and Griffin was a devil. Somehow. But didn't that just make his daughter even worse?

_Oh, Mercedes… your father, Arthur Griffin, is the head of RCM CBT Global Net Sanyoid, and wow that is a long name for a company. So basically, he's my brother's boss. My brother and his three best friends, who you seemed to all love so much._

_ When you asked me to go with you on a double date, I didn't think anything of it. I thought maybe you were just being nice for once._

_ I have such bad judgement._

_ I said yes, since I was bored out of my mind anyway. It wasn't like anyone would hang out with me anyways. They'd all seen the pictures, heard the secrets._

_ Your date was named Brian. He was hot, I'll give him that. But I've learned to never trust a book by its cover. In this case, never judge a boy by his looks._

_ The date went great. My date, Jeremy, was pretty nice. That misled me, since I didn't know his brother would be such a jerk. _

_ Mercedes, back to you. You drove me and the two brothers home, dropped them off at their house. But only Jeremy got off. Brian, the older brother, stayed. And when we drove past the Palm Woods, I knew something was wrong._

_ At first, I thought you'd accidentally passed it. But after it was clear that you weren't taking a U-turn, I started to get worried. And a little scared, I'll admit._

_ And I was right to be scared._

_ Motel 5. That was where you parked. Your date grabbed me by the wrists and dragged me into a room. You followed behind him, smirking._

_ I will never forget that look on your face._

_ He threw me onto the bed, and you and him laughed like something was real funny. You kissed him on the lips._

_ Then you stood in front of me and whispered, "Take your clothes off."_

_ What was I supposed to do? Refuse and get beat up? Get raped, maybe?_

_ So, yeah, I took off my clothes._

_ But instead of doing anything sexual to me, you guys did something that could, in some degree, be worse._

_ You and Brian looked over every inch of my skin, every bit of my flesh, and… and you basically stripped me down just to make fun of my body._

_ Fat, disgusting, pathetic, whore… It went on for so long, I didn't know how much time had passed when you guys finally stopped and went to sleep. _

_ I cried myself to sleep that night. I'd never felt so humiliated, so ashamed of myself. I'd never felt so dirty._

_ After all, you made me feel like the dirtiest girl on earth._

_ The next morning, you told my mom I had stayed over at your house at some slumber party or whatever. My mom didn't even think it was weird, that I was hanging out with a 17 year old when I was only 12._

_ And to think that before this whole ordeal, I thought you had actually become my friend. One of my closest friends, even._

_ I didn't think you were such a jerk after I spent a few days with you hanging out. That was before the whole stripping thing happened, though._

_ You and I talked about things girls talked about, giggled like girls should, and did so many normal things that I thought I'd been mean to think you were a jerk. _

_ Now I think I was being nice, to only label you as a jerk._

_ You are so many other things that I will not say in fear of being arrested._

_ But I'll be dead soon, so who cares, right? _

_ But I still won't say it._

_ After that night at the motel, I never saw Brian again, and you pulled me over that next day and dropped the bomb._

_ You never intended to be friends with me. You never intended to do anything with me that didn't involve humiliating me. _

_ What a surprise, right?_

_ These were your exact words: "I'd never be friends with a whore like you. I just wanted your cute brother and his friends."_

_ And you got them. My brother Kendall, stubborn but kind Kendall, went on one date with you, but then dumped you. _

_ James, flirty pretty James, went out with you for a few weeks. Not surprisingly, he also dumped you._

_ Then, when the two most good-with-girls guys were out of the question, you asked Logan. Smart, nerdy Logan. And he said yes, although I'm sure he regrets it._

_ I would too._

_ And finally, you asked Carlos after Logan got back with Camille. Stupid, oblivious, awkward Carlos._

_ You were really desperate, weren't you?_

_ I really don't mean to insult my brothers; I just mean to insult you, Mercedes._

_ My brothers were too good for you. And later on, you'll see that that makes you really, _really,_ bad._

_ Mercedes, you deserved to be shot down by four cute guys in a row. You deserve all the pain and heartache you got._

_ I'm not even going to ask why you'd do such horrible things to me, because I already know._

_ You're a deceiving, lying, pathetic, dirty girl. Even dirtier than me, Katie Knight, who had got raped by her father and an apparent whore._

_ I hate you, Mercedes, and I'll scream it to the world if I have to._

_ Mercedes Griffin: the Dirty Witch. _

Pause.

Pause.

Pause.

Kendall slammed his finger down on the button so many times, he was afraid he'd break the player.

He didn't break it; but he wished he had.

This was the first time he'd heard Katie sounding actually really bitter, really hateful, and not sorry for herself, which he had all the right to be. And it hurt.

Katie had always been too kind, too sweet, to hate someone. Actually hate them with all her heart. But now here she was, screaming to everything that she absolutely, positively, _hated_ Mercedes Griffin.

And if Katie hated her, then Kendall did, too.

This was the first time Katie had mentioned his three friends. And the first time she'd described him.

_Stubborn but kin… _that was what Katie had called him.

He was glad that was all she thought of him.

Kendall was pissed off, but he didn't feeling like storming into Mercedes' apartment and hurting her, too.

He hadn't stooped as low as her, not yet.

He called her instead, and got the voicemail.

_Hey, this is Mercedes Griffin, I'm sorry I couldn't come to the phone right now. Please leave a message after the beep._

Kendall was surprised to hear that it sounded like a voicemail a normal person would have. Nothing self-conceited about it.

But her voice sounded monotonous, like she was a rusty robot or something. And she sounded like she had just cried for two hours straight.

Kendall thought nothing of it, not then, not when he was so mad at her for humiliating his sister. So he waited for the beep.

_Beep!_

"Hey, Mercedes. I… I love my baby sister, did you know that? I love her so, so much." Kendall felt the tears in his eyes. He was surprised they hadn't come sooner.

"And what you did… I've never met someone so cruel, Mercedes. Your dad seems like an angel compared to what you did. And you know Griffin… he's not an angel." Kendall almost smiled at that. Griffin with _wings _and a _halo?_

"Look, I know you've probably heard the tapes, and God bless you if you actually felt bad and decided to have a heart for once in your life. Actually, God shouldn't bless you. Forget I said that." Kendall knew he was being a jerk.

But he didn't care. Mercedes deserved it.

"And Mercedes? Katie said you dated my friends for a while. Don't touch them again, you hear me? Never, _ever,_ touch them again." Kendall remembered snapping at James to leave him alone, yelling at Logan to shut it with his logic, and shoving Carlos out the door and making him cry. Kendall had been pushing his friends away, but he realized his mistake.

His friends made up half of him. Without them, he was half gone.

And he couldn't help but feel protective of them, and he especially wanted to protect them from this… this _witch._

"James is too good for you, Logan is too smart for you, and Carlos is too sweet for you. Leave them alone, okay? Or I _will_ hurt you." When Kendall hung up, he almost felt like laughing.

He kind of sounded like a witch now, didn't he?

He had hurt his friends, too, and he wouldn't be surprised if they hated him and despised him by now.

Just like Katie had hated Mercedes.

It hurt so much talking about Katie in past tense, but Kendall tried to suck it up.

_Shut up, James! Why don't you just go and blow some girls over? That's all you seem to care about! _That's what he'd shouted at James when he'd tried to comfort him the best he could.

_Stop trying to be smart, Logan! You're as stupid as can be, so just stop, alright? _Kendall had said that after Logan had tried to reason Kendall out of his depression.

And when he'd made Carlos cry, he'd said, _Go cry, you stupid baby! That's all you're good for anyways!_

Kendall buried his face in his hands. He'd been so cruel… who was he to call Mercedes a witch?

He was no better, and he had to fix it.

And he was going to.

He had hurt his friends. His strong protector, who'd only tried to comfort Kendall the best he could, his smart buddy, who had only tried to be reasonable and a good friend, and his sweet little brother, who had only tried to be optimistic and caring. He knew he had to fix what he'd done.

After all, didn't Katie emphasize enough that actions had their consequences?

**A/N- Fast update again! **** At least it's fast in my opinion… and if you know me, you know that I don't usually update fast. But all these reviews are AWESOME! I can't even stress that enough!**

**Once again, reviews are the things that give me the energy to stay up until 12 typing up another chapter! So keep them going (wink wink hint hint)****! Please?**

**Love you all,**

**Anonymous Skrtle :)**


	5. The Fake Boyfriend

_**Chapter 5**_

Kendall slid the first tape out of the player; 4 more to go. Stephanie, Jo, Mercedes. All girls. All horrible, cruel girls. Who would be next?

Even though the suspense was almost killing Kendall, he didn't want to go on. He didn't want to slip in the second tape yet. Not yet.

Not until he'd glued back together the broken bond between his three best hockey-playing friends. As the leader, that was his duty, wasn't it?

Convincing himself that it was, Kendall glanced up at the time. 11 o'clock. Not super late, maybe they'd still be awake. Logan definitely was, since he wasn't in bed yet. His bed was right next to Kendall's neat and not touched since this morning.

Kendall stepped outside and knocked on the closed door of James and Carlos's bedroom. "Come in!" James said quietly from inside.

Kendall cracked the door open cautiously. He felt so… awkward, so out of place talking to his friends again. He'd been pushing them away countless times since the weeks after Katie's death.

He was going to stop that now.

"Hey, James." James looked away, intentionally not meeting Kendall's eyes.

"What do you want?" James asked quietly, not looking angry or happy. Kendall sighed, sitting down on Carlos's bed, noticing that Carlos wasn't in it. He was currently sleeping on James's bed. "Why's Carlos…?" Kendall started. James interrupted him, glaring.

"He had a nightmare. Not like you'd care." He muttered the last part, but Kendall caught it.

"James, I care about you guys." Kendall started softly. He started feeling like the leader again. But he didn't feel like a good one.

James rolled his eyes. "Are you just here to insult me and make Carlos cry again? Cuz if you are, get out. Now." Kendall bit his lip, chewed on it a little. This wasn't going to be easy.

"James, I didn't mean what I said to you. And I will never hurt Carlos again, I'll promise you that. I _really_ care about you guys, James." Kendall said as sincerely as he possibly could.

James scoffed. "Oh yeah? Then why don't I see Carlos coming into your room and asking for _your _comfort when he's scared? Huh?" He raised his eyebrows at Kendall.

Kendall raised his eyebrows back at him. "He shares a room with you, James. Of course he's going to go to you first." He stated obviously. James looked away.

"Well, that's not a good example. But you get my point, don't you? You don't care about us anymore, not since Katie… not since Katie left." Kendall flinched at the statement, a harsh reminder of his baby sister's death.

James's eyes softened a little, but it was still guarded. "I-I'm sorry, man… I know you care about your sister. But still, you're pushing us away and I'm done with it." He hardened his gaze a little.

Kendall put his hand on James's shoulder, glad when James didn't push it away. "I'm sorry, James… I just, I just didn't know how to let out my emotions, alright? Katie's, like, half of me, and with her gone, I just…" Kendall sniffled, looking away. He didn't come here for James's comfort. He wasn't supposed to start crying like a little girl. He was here to fix their broken friendship.

Kendall wiped a tear from his eye, staring straight into James's eyes. "I was wrong, alright? I'm sorry."

James smiled a little. He knew how tough it was for Kendall to admit that he was wrong, and even harder for him to apologize. Maybe he was changing now. Maybe they could all be best friends again.

"Kendall, I… I don't know…" James trailed off, not knowing what to say.

Kendall sighed. "I just want it to be normal again, James. Trust me, I won't _ever_ treat you guys like that ever again. I swear."

James opened his mouth to say something, but just then, Logan appeared at the door. "Kendall? What are _you_ doing here?" His voice was hostile, cautious.

Kendall hated making his friends sound so… wary of him.

"Logan, I… I'm just having a talk with James." Kendall replied.

Logan raised an eyebrow. "Really? Last time I remember you coming to talk to James and Carlos, you called Carlos a baby and you called James a- you know what? I can't even say it."

Kendall felt guilt pounding in his chest. "And you know what you called me? You called me stupid. Stupid, stupid, stupid. Is that all I am to you?" Kendall knew Logan well enough to detect the hurt in his voice that he was trying to cover up with anger.

"Logan… I'm so sorry about that. I swear, I meant none of what I said. You're a genius, Logan. You're bright and smart and-"

Logan held up a hand. "Stop. Stop it, Kendall. If you think that about, just tell me. You don't have to lie." The last part was whispered. Kendall saw tears in Logan's eyes. He felt like punching himself.

Just then, Carlos stirred. When he opened his eyes, he flinched when he saw Kendall there. Kendall didn't know if he was imagining it, but he saw Carlos move behind James, who was seated on his bed, shielding himself.

He felt like the worst friend in the world. Cut that, the worst _person_ in the world. He'd hurt Logan's feelings, made James mad at him, and made Carlos scared of him.

"Guys, I'm sorry. I was just too sad after Katie… I just didn't know how to handle it. Nobody close to me has ever died before… I just didn't know what to do. I started pushing you guys away, but now I realize I made a horrible mistake."

He wrapped his arm around Logan, who had stopped crying to stare up at him. "You guys are my best friends. I've known you guys since I was, like, 5. You're everything I could ask for in friends. And I'm sorry I've been pushing you guys away."

James smiled at him, Logan gave Kendall that little crooked smile of his, and Carlos pulled himself away from James's protective body. Kendall was relieved; they weren't mad at him anymore.

"It's alright, Kendall… I know it's been hard for you, buddy…" Logan started.

Kendall shook his head. "Yeah, but that's no excuse for me to push you guys away. And I'm _so_ sorry I insulted you guys. James, you're more than a big flirt. You're caring, nice, and a great friend. And Logan, you're not stupid. You're smart, bright, funny, everything from the opposite of stupid. And Carlos, I swear to god, you are not a useless baby. You're the happiest and the sweetest boy I've ever met, and I love you for that. I love all of you guys."

Without a word, James and Carlos got off of the bed and joined Kendall and Logan. They shared a group hug, something that hadn't happened for a while now. Kendall enjoyed it. He felt happy for the first time in a long time.

But when the hug ended, Kendall dropped the bomb. "Guys… I… I got the tapes." He wasn't sure how they would react. Maybe they didn't even receive any, since they weren't one of the reasons. Or maybe it wasn't their turn to get them yet.

Kendall really hoped it wasn't that.

James, Logan, and Carlos shared a glance, and that was all the answer Kendall needed. They knew.

"I'm sorry, man." James wrapped his arm around him. Kendall hugged him back, grateful for the comfort.

"What… what number are you on?" Carlos, who hadn't spoken since he'd woken, asked timidly.

Kendall looked at all of them. "I just finished 3. Mercedes."

They all looked at each other again. Kendall couldn't read their expression. But it wasn't a good one, that was for sure.

"I'm sorry, man…" James whispered again quietly. "We can't tell you anything."

Kendall just nodded. He had expected that. "Don't worry, I'll be fine." He doubted it, he really doubted it. But he didn't want his friends to worry about him.

He smiled at them and walked out of the room. He went into his room and took out the second tape. A number "2" was labeled on it with Katie's handwriting. Kendall missed that. He missed her writing, her face, her smile, her laugh, just… everything.

The last time he'd seen her handwriting was when he was reading that suicide letter the cops found in the pocket of her jeans.

After she was dead.

Kendall pressed play, trying to knock that thought out of his head.

It didn't work.

_You know, I actually kind of like doing this. I'm not a cruel person, really… but sometimes, I feel like some people just have to suffer for what they've done. Don't you guys? Aren't you guys having fun?_

_ Alright, enough of my sarcasm. This next one's gonna be alright compared to those first three. Those was horrible. Number four, though, is bad, but not near as bad as those._

_ Number four: Kyle Phillips._

Kendall didn't even pause after that line, just kept on listening.

He just wanted to get this over with.

_Kyle. When you came to the Palm Woods, I fell in love with you pretty much at first sight. I know it sounds cheesy, but it _was_ like "love at first sight." _Katie giggled a little. Kendall so badly needed to hear that sound again.

So badly needed to hear it for real, not on some stupid tapes.

_So of course, being the gentleman you are, you asked me out on a date. And of course I said yes. You were hot, charming, everything I could have asked for in a date. But turns out I was wrong._

_ Aren't you guys starting to see a pattern here?_

_ Anyways, you invited me to Fun Burgers. After all, what place was more romantic than there? I remembered freaking out at home, asking Kendall what clothes I should wear. _Kendall smiled a little when he remembered that exact memory. Katie was so excited, so nervous.

That was back when things were good.

_I dressed in my nicest dress, blue with white flowers on it, and wore the prettiest shoes I could find. And if anyone knew me (see what I did there with the past tense?), they'd know that I hated dressing up. Absolutely hated it._

_ You had our seat all ready and stuff when I got there. "Hello, there, my pretty lady." You had said to me. Your smile, I will never forget that. It melted my heart._

_ Enough of that cheesy stuff. Anyways, you sat down across from me, asked me what I wanted to order. I told you what I wanted; a cheeseburger._

_ And then you know what happened, Kyle? You remember, don't you? It was only, like, a year ago or so, depending on when you're watching these tapes. A year or less. _

_ The kids sitting around us started laughing. Laughing like I was crazy. At first, I wasn't sure why they were laughing._

_ But then I saw it._

_ Those video cameras set up all around. I can't believe I didn't notice it earlier._

_ You smirked and stood up. _

_ "Are you sure you want to order a greasy _cheeseburger,_ fatty?" _

_ I will never forget that._

_ It turns out you had betted with your friends that you could go out on a date with me, Katie Knight, the little fat girl whore, without me thinking it was fake._

_ "It's all bet, loser. And you were my little moneymaker." Your exact words._

_ You won the bet, obviously. Ten stupid bucks._

_ Was it really worth it, Kyle? Was it really worth it?_

_ I can't answer that for you, but hopefully, you know the right answer._

_ Okay, your's wasn't as bad, but… you're the first boy on here, Mr. Kyle. My little boyfriend. And trust me, everyone out there, he may be one of the best ones on here. Boys, all of them, they're all pretty bad. Kinda. Not really, but kinda._

_ Sorry for being blunt there. I can't really reveal anything about the other people yet, so I've already said too much. But I don't want to record this thing all over again, relive that painful experience all over again, so I'll just shrug it off._

_ So thank you, Kyle, for ruining my first date._

_ That was my first date and my last._

_ So thank you, Kyle._

_ Kyle Phillips: the Fake Boyfriend_

Kendall paused the tape. His face blank, he slowly took off his earphones and stretched his back.

He sat down on his bed, staring at nothing.

His baby sister, Katie Knight, his sweet little sister, dead. All because of these stupid people.

Kendall turned and sobbed into his pillow.

**A/N- Sorry, no more fast updates… for now. But Spring Break is over **** and it's Friday now so I thought I could maybe update. Did you all like the bromance parts? I did. Well, It's like, 12 midnight now, so I'm gonna go on and head to bed. **

**Oh yeah, Kyle's last name, I just got it from the guy who plays him. Does he really have a known last name on the show? If so, can someone tell me what it is? That'd be awesome! **

**And thank you everyone who has reviewed and alerted and favorited this story! I love you all so much! You guys encourage me to keep writing! **

**Peace and Love (no giraffes this time),**

**Anonymous Skrtle **


	6. The Three Musketeers

_**Chapter 6**_

"Kendall? Are you okay?" Kendall didn't even hear James come in. He felt a strong hand on his shoulder. James had always been the strongest one out of the boys.

Kendall just sobbed, burying his face into James's shoulder. He hadn't cried this hard since… since he'd found out Katie had died.

He still remembered that day, bright and clear.

_Kendall put his drink down when someone knocked on the door. "Someone, get the door!" He heard Logan call from inside his room. James was combing his hair and Carlos was watching TV, so Kendall went to get it._

_ He opened the door, and there stood a police officer, a grim look on his face. "Is this the family of Katie Knight?"_

_ Kendall froze, even though he knew nothing bad would happen. Katie was in her room studying for her math test on Monday. "Yeah, is something wrong?"_

_ The officer watched Kendall sympathetically. By this time, James and Carlos had joined Kendall, watching curiously. The officer handed Kendall a sheet of paper._

_ It was notebook paper, and Kendall was surprised to find Katie's handwriting on it. "What is this, officer?" He asked cautiously._

_ The police officer shook his head. "You have to read it." Kendall knew there was something wrong then, just by the sound of the man's voice._

_ He unfolded the sheet and started reading._

Dear Kendall (mom, James, Logan, and Carlos too),

This is Katie Knight. I'm sorry, but by the time you read this I'll probably be dead. I'm sorry to hurt you guys like this, but it got too much for me.

The pain I faced during my life wasn't worth the struggle. It really wasn't. I don't know if you'll ever find this, but… Kendall, soon there's going to be something at you mailbox. I can't tell you what. It'll explain everything.

Well, almost everything.

I'm sorry. I apologize a million times in advance, because I know things are not going to get easier for you the next few months.

And that's because of me. And I'm sorry.

I love you so, so much, Kendall. You've always been my big brother, there to protect me to the end. Mom, thanks for always being there for me. James, Logan, and Carlos, thank you for being the best brothers I could ever ask for.

Well, I guess this is goodbye.

Katie Knight

_Kendall fell to his knees, a loud buzzing noise in his head. Katie, his baby sister._

_ Dead._

_ He didn't even realize the tears were coming until they poured down onto the ground._

Kendall lifted his head, looked into James's hazel eyes. James rubbed his shoulder. "Hey. You alright, Kendall?"

Kendall nodded weakly. "K-kinda." No one spoke for a while. "Thanks."

James nodded, tried to smile. "Kendall… I know it's been hard for you. It has for all of us, but I know it's harder for you. I can't say anything to make you feel better, but I can tell you that we'll always be there for you. Me, Logan, and Carlos. And your mom, your friends, everyone."

Kendall scoffed. "That's what I thought about Jo, and look how that turned out." He hated himself for being bitter and sarcastic towards James, who was only trying to help, but he couldn't help himself.

James looked down. "I-I'm… I'm sorry about that, Kendall. I truly am." He didn't meet Kendall's eyes again.

"Dude, what's wrong?" Kendall asked.

James shook his head. "Nothing. Just thinking."

Kendall raised his eyebrows. "You're lying. James, I know you too well."

James sighed, raising his eyes. Kendall saw tears in them. "I just… you hated Jo for what she did… y-you'll hate me after you find out about mine…"

Kendall froze. His heart beat faster. "James… was yours r-really that bad?"

James didn't say a word.

After a few minutes, James stood up. "It's 1, I'm going to bed. You all right here?" James asked. Kendall nodded.

"Where's Logan?"

James looked down. "Sleeping on the couch. He knew you'd… need some time to yourself."

Kendall sighed. "Well, tell him thanks. Good night, man. Tell that to Carlos too for me, alright?" James nodded and left the room.

Kendall couldn't sleep, even though he knew it was way past his normal sleeping time. He couldn't sleep, not now. He wasn't even tired.

He was ready for number 5.

_So, last one wasn't so bad, right?_

_ Who am I kidding? These are all bad. Aren't they just breaking your hearts?_

_ Alright, so the sarcasm is getting annoying, I know. But if you're someone who's about to die, and wants to die, you'll be sarcastic for the rest of your short life._

_ Alright, I'm going to cut to the chase. _

_ Number five: The Jennifers._

_ The Jennifers, oh, the three "perfect" ladies of the Palm Woods. When I first met you three, I knew you were no good._

_ So why did I agree to you guys when you asked me to join your little group?_

_ "Katie, you're so pretty, why don't you be the 4__th__ Jennifer? You don't even have to change your name." Maybe that's why. You guys were complimenting me, and maybe at that time, I needed that. I needed that, even from three pushy, bossy girls._

_ So I agreed. You guys took me under your wings, and I actually thought our "friendship", or whatever it was, was real._

_ I remember that day you took me to the park and we just sat on a bench and just talked. We talked for hours about nothing at all, just girl gossip. I sure miss that. I sure miss having friends who can just like me for me and can just talk together for hours on end about nothing._

_ I thought you guys were my real friends for a time. I was cautious at first, but after that day, I started letting my guard loose a little._

_ You guys brought me clothes, did whatever I wanted to do (unless it was a boy thing), and listened whenever I had something to say. _

_ But I should have known there was something wrong. Whenever you brought me clothes, you made sure to know that I "owed" you one. When you did something with me, you made sure I knew how much you hated it. When I talked to you, you never responded or comforted me in any way._

_ And yes, I refer to you three as "you", because you guys are basically just one person. Stupid followers of each other, so caught up in being popular you aren't even real people anymore. Just three ugly minds stuck in one._

_ Then the day came where you guys just basically dumped me. I was kind of expecting it, actually, to be honest. Didn't want it to happen, but it did anyways._

_ Nothing ever goes the way I want it to, does it?_

_ You three made sure pretty much everyone who knew me were at the pool that morning. We were walking around, and I was still giggling at a joke your guys had made about old men with beards._

_ I don't even remember the joke anymore. It's nothing worth remembering compared to what happened after._

_ You reached out and dumped three pink smoothies on my head. All at once. You made sure to announce to the whole world that I was no longer part of their "friend list" or whatever you called it._

_ You pushed me backwards and called me a "fat whore with no life". And that wouldn't have bothered me back when I was in Minnesota, but now, because of some "certain" events, it did._

_ I couldn't help myself. I was sticky with smoothie, humiliated, hurt, betrayed. I stood there and cried like a little baby. Your laughs still echo in my head._

_ I just want to get rid of them. And the only way I can do that is by destroying my memory, my head, my body, myself._

_ And that's what I am going to do._

_ Anyways, you guys already know I died, so what does it matter? All you have to know if that I was humiliated that day, and everyone made sure never to let me forget it. And congratulations, people: I never did._

_ And you know why they did it, everyone who's listening to this?_

_ Don't be surprised, the Jennifers were just like Ms. Mercedes Griffin: They wanted my brother and his best friends._

_ Are those four boys really that charming? I mean, James has a lucky comb, Logan loves math more than girls, Carlos eats his cereal in a helmet, and Kendall sleeps next to a hockey stick. Not real charming to me, no offense._

_ But I guess you just loved them so much, huh, Jennifers? Well, here's a suggestion: maybe next time you shouldn't push them in to the pool and ruin all your chances with them without getting to know them first._

_ You three are the biggest idiots I've ever met. I just… I just can't believe I've been used yet again. Played with and manipulated like some robot._

_ Why couldn't I just have a friend, a true friend who will never turn their back on me? That was the question I asked myself day after painful day after your betrayal. Why? Why? Why?_

_ My four "brothers" are too good for you girls, just like they were too good for Mercedes. They would never date you even if you begged on your knees. Which you guys would never do._

_ It would ruin your reputation, wouldn't it?_

_ Well, I hope listening to this will ruin it, too. I really hope that with all my heart._

_ Jennifers, you've always been snobby, bossy, cruel… but I never thought you'd stoop down to this level._

_ But I' m not surprised. Not at all._

_ Jennfiers: The Three Musketeers_

_And I mean that in the worst way possible._

Kendall paused the tape, was so used to hitting the button he didn't even have to think about doing it.

Jennifers, he always knew they were horrible. When had Katie started befriending them? He'd never seen her even have eye contact with those jerks. When had she started befriending such idiots?

If Kendall had known, he would surely have stopped it. Why didn't he ever know? And even more importantly: what had he done to Katie?

It had been nagging at his mind since number 1. The Jennifers were already number 5, and there still were no mentions of what number he was. There were only 8 left, and Katie said the last four were the worst. So basically, he could very possibly be one of the worst.

Or maybe even number 13.

Kendall lay down on his bed, his heart pounding. What if, _what if_ he was number 13? What if he was?

He so badly just wanted to skip to the very last tape, see who it was, but he knew Katie specified not to in her little sheet explaining the tapes.

And Kendall would fulfill her wish.

It was the last thing she'd ever asked of him, after all.

Kendall fell asleep that night wondering the same question that had been bothering Katie.

_Why?_

**A/N- Sorry for the wait, hope you guys enjoyed this chapter. There'll be some more interaction of Kendall with everyone, so that'll be most of next chapter. Any suggestions?**

**Hope you guys enjoyed the chapter, and if you did, review. Heck, review even if you didn't. I enjoy constructive criticism. **

**Peace, Love, and Giraffes,**

**Anonymous Skrtle **


	7. Interactions

_**Chapter 7**_

Kendall blinked open his eyes, a fluttery feeling inside of him.

For a second, he felt like he was back in the past, before Katie had-

That second was over faster than a blink.

Katie, the tapes, everyone who he'd thought were friends but turned out to be traitorous jerks, _everything, _came flying back to him, hitting him like forty tons of bricks.

Kendall sighed, feeling like a cloud of worry and sadness was hanging over him. Katie was gone, his friends and his mom were all distant from him now. At least James, Logan, and Carlos had forgiven him for pushing them away.

At least he hadn't pushed his mom away yet.

He didn't know what to tell his mom; that her husband was a rapist? That he had been lying to her all along?

Kendall got up and changed into casual clothes. He didn't even bother brushing his teeth. Things like that just weren't important anymore.

He entered the kitchen and saw that no one else was awake yet. He glanced at the clock; 7:30. He'd only slept for 5 hours, maybe less. He had been tossing and turning around all last night, having good dreams and nightmares.

All dreams about Katie. The good memories of them playing pranks on each other, and bad ones about when she died. Kendall didn't know when those dreams would stop. He wanted the bad ones to stop; he wanted to good ones to stay.

After all, it was the last he'd ever see his baby sister again.

Kendall was just about to turn on the TV to pretend to watch something when Logan came in, yawning. He spotted Kendall a smiled a little. Kendall knew why; this was the first day he'd actually come out of his room for something other than eating, drinking, the bathroom, or getting the mail.

He was never going to get the mail again.

"Hey, Kendall. How are you?" Logan asked quietly, sitting down beside him. Kendall shrugged. For someone so smart, Logan sure had asked a stupid question.

Logan seemed to notice this, too. "Sorry, I know what you're going to say. I just… I'm sorry." He looked down.

Kendall sighed, putting a hand on Logan's shoulder. "No, it's alright, Logan. It's about time I come out of that stink hole anyways." Logan cracked a little smile. Kendall missed making him laugh.

"So… how was last night?" Logan asked again, his voice even quieter than before. Kendall stared into his brown eyes.

"Last night? Honesty? It was horrible." Kendall responded. Logan just nodded, like he knew what he was talking about. And he probably did.

_Logan, oh, Logan… what did you do?_ Kendall wanted to ask him that so badly. What had Logan Mitchell done to deserve to be on those tapes? What had James and Carlos done?

They all loved Katie so much. Okay, maybe sometimes she annoyed them to no end, but they had always loved her to the bottom of their hearts. What could they have done?

What could _he_ have done?

Kendall loved his baby sister. He couldn't remember ever doing something bad to her. He couldn't remember a thing. Except maybe that time he woke her up by dumping water on her, but he doubted that was enough to get him onto those tapes.

Those horrible, heart-breaking tapes.

"I… I just finished the Jennifers." Kendall blurted out, not knowing what else to say. Logan looked up.

"Yeah… Kinda expected that from them, though, didn't you?" Logan questioned. Kendall shrugged.

"I guess… but I never knew they'd stoop down so low."

Logan snorted. "I never knew any of those people would stoop so low, especially not you, Kendall-" He froze, clamping his mouth shut. He looked away, his face turning red.

Kendall stood up, Logan's words like a knife to his gut. He felt tears in his eyes. No one's words had ever hurt him so much. "L-Logan… what did I do?" Kendall whispered, his voice cracking.

Logan shook his head, still not meeting his eyes. "I-I'm so sorry, Kendall, I didn't mean to say that! You're my best friend, and that will never change, as long as I'm living. I promise that, I-I'm sorry about what I-"

Kendall interrupted him. "Just tell me what I did." He stated firmly. Logan did look up this time; there were tears in his eyes too.

"Kendall… you know I can't. You just have to figure it out by yourself. That's what all of us did."

Kendall's vision started getting dizzy. He didn't want to be here anymore. The walls were closing in on him, threatening to smash him… He had to leave.

What had he done to Katie? What had he done to deserve all this pain?

Kendall ran out the door of 2J. He didn't know where he was going, he just knew that he just wanted to run.

He wished he could run away from his problems, but that would never happen. He would never be able to escape this as long as he lived.

And for one horrifying moment, he wondered if this is what Katie felt like when she had ran away that night.

_line line line _

Carlos looked around the dark Palm Woods Park, trying to find that familiar tuft of blonde hair that would surely stand out in the dark.

He couldn't find Kendall.

He had walked around for God knows how long, and it was dark now and it was kind of scary and he just wanted to find Kendall and make sure he was-

There! Carlos suddenly spotted what he was looking for. Rather, who he was looking for. He slowly approached Kendall's curled up form. Was he crying? Carlos had never seen Kendall cry before. He never cried in front of him.

But Kendall didn't know that Carlos was here. He didn't know if anyone was here. Carlos gulped, stepping a little closer.

He heard the sobs, as clear as day. They broke his heart, knowing that Kendall Knight, brave Kendall Knight, was reduced to a sobbing mess on the ground.

All because of Katie. All because of her stupid tapes.

But Carlos didn't blame Katie. He blamed himself, and everyone else on that tape. But most of all, he blamed himself.

What he had done was the worst of them all. He should've been number 13.

"Katie, Katie, why did you have to go?" Carlos was snapped out of his thoughts when he heard Kendall talking to himself. "K-Katie, why?"

After a minute or two, Carlos decided he had to intervene. This was too sad, too heartbreaking. He opened his mouth, then closed it again. He didn't know what to do. Did Kendall just need time alone, or did he need comfort?

After a few minutes of contemplating, Carlos decided to help his broken best friend. "K… Kendall?" He said timidly, stepping towards where the blonde boy was.

Kendall sniffled loudly, a little startled. "Wh-who is it?"

"It's Carlos."

Kendall didn't sound so afraid anymore after finding out it was someone he knew. "G-go away. I don't want you here."

Carlos ignored the pain in his heart and stood over Kendall. "Kendall, are you okay?" He asked quietly.

Kendall stood up so suddenly Carlos didn't even have time to register it. "What are you, _stupid?_ Of course I'm not alright, my baby sister's dead! I have no one left! I killed her!" Carlos flinched a little, but he found the courage to put his hand on Kendall's shoulder.

"Kendall, you still have people left in your life. You've still got your friends and your family…" Carlos pointed out.

Kendall just scoffed. "Go away. I-"

Carlos stopped him. "No Kendall, I can't go away. You need help and me and James and Logan are gonna make sure give it to you."

Kendall's eyes flared in the dark. "You think I need_ help_?" He hissed angrily.

"N-no, not help, just comfort. Yeah, you need comfort."

Kendall glared at him. "I don't need _anything_, Carlos. I don't need James or Logan or you trying to _help_ me. I'm perfectly fine, you hear me? I'm _fine!_" He was practically yelling by now.

Carlos stepped back a step. "Kendall, please, I-I know you're just sad about Katie, and we all are, but you have to come to us if you're sad."

Carlos would have never predicted what happened next. Kendall drew back his fist and punched him square in the face.

Carlos stumbled back a little, his breath catching in his throat. "Go away! I don't need anyone's help! Get out of here!" Kendall shouted, tears running down his face.

Carlos let out a tiny sob, but he made sure Kendall didn't hear it. "Fine, I'll leave, just like you want! But when you need my help, I'm not going to help you!" He turned around and ran.

"Fine! I don't need your pathetic help anyways!" Kendall shouted back. The blonde boy watched as Carlos stumbled out of the park. He breathed heavily, red still in his vision.

Soon, he had calmed down. He looked down at his bruised knuckles. He still saw Carlos's hurt face clearly in the darkness.

Kendall slid down the ground again, fresh tears in his eyes.

"I-I'm a monster, Katie, aren't I?"

**A/N- I'm SO SOSOSOSOSOSOSOSOSO SORRY ABOUT THE SLOW UPDATE! I was just too busy last few weeks, ya know? But school's almost over! So yay! **

**And BTR's 4****th**** season premieres May 2****nd****! Who's excited? I know I am!**

**I know you all probably hate me right now, but if you don't, please review this if you can, I need to know what you think! The next chapter's gonna have our next lucky person! **

**Peace, Love, and Giraffes,**

**Anonymous Skrtle **


	8. The Black Rapist

_**Chapter 8**_

Kendall didn't even realize he had cried himself to sleep until he blinked his eyes open and saw the sun shining bright overhead.

He shielded his eyes with his hands, brushing leaves that had fallen off of the tree he had been sleeping under and onto his pants. He stood up and stretched.

He loved the first few seconds when he woke up. He was oblivious to the horrible things that had happened. For a few blissful seconds, he was happy.

But then, of course, things had to catch up with him. They always did. He remembered yesterday, his fist reaching out and hitting Carlos's face-

Kendall's breath caught in his throat. He had _punched_ Carlos. He had never punched any of his friends, not that he remembered. He hated himself for doing something so cruel, especially to Carlos.

He'd only been trying to help, and not only did Kendall push him away, he'd yelled at him and hurt him. He'd hurt his little brother. He was a monster.

Maybe he did something to his little sister, too, that hurt her so much that she would put him as number 13 and-

At the thought, Kendall dropped to his knees and grabbed a fistful of his hair in frustration and hatred for himself. He screamed up at the sky, not caring who was around to hear it.

_Why, Katie? What did I ever do to you?_

He screamed and screamed at the world for making his life so horrible.

_line line line_

James knew something was wrong when he found Carlos crying in the bathroom, his nose bleeding and his eye black.

He hadn't been sleeping lately. He kept thinking about Katie, about Kendall, about what Katie had told him in her tapes. James didn't know what to do. He could have saved Katie, he could have. But he didn't.

They were all broken, all breaking. Kendall, the once strong leader, was now reduced to a depressed boy void of any emotion, or so it seemed. Logan, Mr. Smart Logan who spurted out facts randomly, hadn't picked up a book in months. Carlos, who was always happy and energetic, now barely talked and cried all the time.

And James, James knew he had changed a lot. Maybe he changed the most out of all of them. He no longer cared about how he looked, how other people thought of him, being famous. He now focused on protecting his three best friends and making sure that he never let them get hurt.

But looking at Carlos, he didn't know how good of a job he was doing.

"Carlos, buddy, what happened?" James asked gently, sitting down beside the crying boy. Carlos lifted his head and wiped the tears off of his face.

"N-nothing. I just… got in a fight." He said softly, not looking into James's eyes.

"With who?"

Carlos hesitated for a moment. "With… I-I don't know. Just some guy I saw…" He finally said quietly.

James clenched his fists together. "I swear, I'll kill him if I ever see him. If you ever see him, Carlos, tell me, and I swear I'll-"

Carlos stared him straight in his eyes. "No, James, don't. Really, I'm fine."

James watched Carlos for a second. His little friend had matured so much since Katie died. They all had, but childish Carlos had matured the most.

"Alright, Carlos. But if you ever need anything, I'm always here."

_line line line_

Number 6. It was time for number 6.

When he entered 2J, he was relieved to see that no one was around to see him enter his room. Logan wasn't in his room, either, so Kendall locked the door and sat down. This felt too familiar.

He took out the tape and pressed play. He didn't know if he wanted to do this, but it was too late to turn back now.

_ Alrighty, number 6. Mr. Number 6. Yep, it's a man. Finally. Kyle was a boy… but this one's a man. But I don't know if I'd consider him a man. He's too cruel to be considered a human being._

_ But that's just my opinion._

_ Number 6: Jett Stetson._

_ Jett… you've always been a jerk. A super hot jerk. The day you arrived at the Palm Woods, I was completely in love with you. Remember? I threw myself into your arms while my brother Kendall watched with disgust._

_ He was right to look at you like that._

_ Jett Stetson, sir, you are one evil man._

_ It happened that day I was home by myself. My mom was out shopping for groceries, my brothers were in the studio rehearsing. I remember receiving a call from you. You wanted me to come hang out with you, Mercedes, Camille, and Jo._

_ I said yes, only because I wanted to have a little girl time. Not time with you._

_ But when I got there, I knew something was wrong. None of the girls were there. I was by myself with you._

_ And then you reached over and locked the door. The click of that door will never be erased from my memory._

_ You grinned at me, rubbing your hands together greedily. I stared back, not knowing what to do. I knew what was happening. I knew too well._

_ I was only 12, Jett. I don't know what kind of pleasure you get from taking advantage of 12 year olds._

_ I tried to run. I really did. I screamed, I cried, I kicked you where it hurt. But you were strong, Jett, you pushed me back down onto the sofa. I thought I heard someone knocking on the door. But maybe it was just my imagination._

_ The person at the door left, if they were even there at all. And the rest is all history, Mr. Stetson. You know what happened. I did too._

_ You're one of the worst, Jett, my man. You broke me on the inside and on the outside. Emotionally and physically. You broke me in the worst way possible._

_ Rape._

_ The day I got home, I made sure to make it look like nothing bad had happened, but I had nightmares for weeks on end. No one was there for me when I woke up, though. I was all alone._

_ Does that make you happy, Jett?_

_ No one comforted me. No one cared. I didn't tell anyone about it, and no one asked me about it. No one knew anything was wrong._

_ You made me feel so dirty, Jett… you probably didn't know what my father had done when I was little, but you were just like him. It was like living through a nightmare all over again…_

Even after all the horrible things people had done to her, Katie had never cried once talking in these tapes. But now, Kendall heard the muffled sobs coming from Katie's mouth. It broke his heart.

It just hurt so much, hearing Katie cry but not being able to do anything. He couldn't do anything. Katie had died already, and when she'd been crying, Kendall wasn't there for her.

She needed him, and he had pushed her aside, forgotten about her. He was horrible, he was a monster, he… he was the worst big brother ever.

He had been pushing her away and pushing his friends away. He was a horrible person, wasn't he? He was just as bad, even worse than those people on the tapes.

At that thought, Katie finished her sobbing and returned to the tape.

_Alright, sorry about that. When a 18 year old adult man rapes you, you're not the same anymore. Really. You can try it yourself, if you want to. I'm thinking you wouldn't. _

_So thank you for everything, Jett. You officially ruined my life and my childhood innocence. I don't understand why you would do something like that. But people are cruel; I've learned that the hard way. No one is nice in this world._

_ At least, that's what it seems like. Or maybe it's just me. Maybe I've just gotten the luck to know all the mean ones. _

_ But there have been a few good people in my life. Some of them are even on this tape. It's just the bad things they do that push me to the edge. Literally._

_ Oh. Sorry. That was a cruel suicide joke. _

_ Anyways, I hope you guys are still with me. I need to let everything out, just let all of you guys know the dark sides of some of these people. In Jett, I don't know, I don't think he has a good side._

_ Jett Stetson: The Black Rapist_

Kendall pushed stop and stood up. He was done being mean. He'd already pushed Katie too far. He wasn't about to push his friends that far, either.

He closed his eyes, trying to remember what had happened today that he had to fix. He had run to the park, sobbed his eyes out in an empty place where no one was looking, but Carlos had found him-

Carlos. That was what he had to fix first. He had punched Carlos, his best friend, his little buddy. He had snapped at Logan, too. Not as bad as what he'd done to Carlos, but he still had to apologize.

They had only been trying to help. Carlos had just wanted to make sure Kendall was alright, and Logan… Logan had just stated the truth, hadn't he? What he said was true, yet Kendall still snapped at him, made him feel stupid. And Carlos had been so caring and so kind, making sure Kendall was alright, yet Kendall had still yelled at him and… and punched him.

Kendall had never, _ever,_ hurt Carlos before. James, sure. Logan, sometimes. But Carlos? Never would he have ever even _thought_ about it before.

But this wasn't before. It was now. And now, Kendall had been transformed into someone different, a darker version of himself. He didn't know what to do about it.

He had to apologize. That was the first step. Then, he'd try and make amends and try to get everything back to normal.

But nothing would be normal without Katie. Kendall had been there the moment she was born, and had watched her grow up. Katie was his little sister. He loved her more than life itself.

And now she was gone. Gone, ripped out of the world cruelly.

And it was partly his fault.

But maybe, just maybe, him and his three best friends could make things okay again. Not normal, but okay.

First, he had to make sure they didn't hate him.

Kendall placed the tapes back into the box. He stood up, pushing his chair back.

Maybe Katie was gone, but his three friends were still here.

**A/N- Helllloooo, everyone! BTInvasion was awesome! **** Loved it, how bout you guys? And OMG, have you guys seen James's cover of "Clarity" by Zedd? AMAZING. His voice is absolutely beautiful. If you haven't checked it out yet, I reallllly suggest you do. It's on his Youtube channel. **

**Don't really have much to say… if you have any suggestions, review and tell me about them. I'll consider them into the story. ;)**

**Peace, Love, and Giraffes,**

**Anonymous Skrtle (insert smiley face here)**


	9. My Sweet Romeo

_**Chapter 9**_

Kendall hated himself.

At dinner that night, James announced to everyone at the table that Carlos had gotten hurt. At first, Kendall thought Carlos had ratted him out. He knew he deserved it one hundred percent.

But then James said that he was going to kill whoever it was once he figured out _who_ it was. Kendall had stared at him. "What do you mean, when you know who it was?" He had asked cautiously. Why wasn't James launching himself at him?

"Dude, it was some random guy Carlos has never seen before. Which just makes it worse, I swear-" Kendall tuned out after that.

Carlos didn't tell. Carlos hadn't ratted him out, even though he deserved it. He deserved everything bad that came his way.

So why didn't Carlos tell?

Carlos refused to meet Kendall's eyes the rest of dinner, and for the next few hours. Kendall knew he deserved that, too. Carlos had only been trying to help. Just like everyone else had been. And he'd pushed him away.

Kendall opened the door to the bathroom at 9 that night. He wasn't ready for what he saw inside.

Carlos was standing in front of the mirror, applying some medicine or whatever to his cheek. Right where Kendall had punched him. It was bruising and bloody, and it looked like it hurt.

Kendall breathed out a sob. Carlos turned around, wide-eyed. "Oh, hey Kendall." His voice was so quiet, so timid. So unlike how Carlos was supposed to act.

Kendall walked over, took the medicine from Carlos's hands, and applied it to his cheek as gently as he could. It was the least he could do. When he was done, both boys didn't say a word.

"Th-thanks, Kendall. I… I'm sorry about leaving you like that." Carlos whispered softly. Kendall wanted to kill himself. _He _was the one who had punched Carlos. _He _was the one who should be apologizing. But yet Carlos was.

"Stop. Please, just stop." Kendall grabbed Carlos's shoulders. "Don't apologize. You have _n-nothing_ to apologize for, Carlos. I'm sorry. _I'm _the one who deserves to be punched. Not you. I'm sorry, I really am." He felt tears in his eyes.

He'd never cried in front of Carlos before. Never.

But Carlos didn't seem to be fazed. He put his arm around Kendall's shoulders. "It's alright. I know you're still upset about Katie. It's not your fault." He said softly.

"Why? Why didn't you tell, Carlos? If James went after me, I deserved that. I deserve that!" Kendall cried, burying his face in Carlos's shoulders.

"No, Kendall. You don't deserve that. Please don't blame yourself. You're my best friend, Kendall. I'd never rat you out like that."

Kendall smiled through his tears. "Carlos… thanks. I don't deserve you guys. You guys are all so great and I'm just-" He stopped when he heard Carlos mumbling something to himself.

"What?" Kendall asked.

Carlos stared him in the eyes. "You… you wouldn't think we're so great after… after you listen to them." His voice was so quiet Kendall literally had to lean in to hear him correctly.

Kendall's eyes widened. What had his friends done that was so horrible?

"Carlos, no matter what I hear on there… I promise you, you'll always be my best friend." And right when Kendall said it, he was absolutely sure of it.

He was never going to let his three friends go.

_line line line_

After he had said goodnight to Carlos and made sure he was alright, Kendall returned to his room.

He had a feeling something bad was about to happen.

It was like there was something in the air, something ominous that made everything so foreboding.

He listened to the next part of the tape anyways.

After all, he would have to listen to them all at some time, right?

_Oh, here's where it gets good, people. You thought those were bad? Then wait until you find out what the people closest to me have done._

_ Only 7 more to go. You're pretty much halfway there. No pun intended, my brothers from Big Time Rush._

_ This next one isn't bad. I didn't even know whether to put him on here or not. He was never even aware of what he had done, but I think he had a hint._

_ I swear, this may be the best one on here. As in, he didn't do anything wrong. It was all me. But as I said before, I think he had a feeling something was wrong. But he never did anything._

_ Number 7: James Diamond._

Kendall slammed his finger on the stop button, his heart pumping rapidly. James. James, his best friend. What had he done?

He found some relief in the fact that what James had done apparently wasn't so bad. But anyone who was even mentioned on Katie's death tapes had done something pretty bad, so Kendall's relief slipped away as fast as it came.

His breathing got harder, his palms sweated. He didn't know if he could do it. He didn't know if he could listen to his three best friends hurting his sister. He didn't know if he could listen to what _he_ had done to Katie.

Kendall shook away his thoughts. He had to do this for Katie. James himself had gotten through it, and so would Kendall.

He hit play.

_James. One thing everyone can tell you about James is that he is in love with himself. He spends more time in the bathroom than some girls do (including me) and he has a huge ego._

_ But his close friends will also tell you that he's caring beneath all that confidence. And I know that as good as anyone else. James _is_ caring. He's kind. He's friendly._

_ But most of all, he's got girls falling all over his feet._

_ And I'm fine with that. That's not the reason he's on here. James a great person. It was just… me._

_ Because I was one of those girls falling at his feet._

_ I don't know when it started, but it hasn't ended. My undying love for James Diamond. Maybe it was when you gave me a huge hug that time he came back from working with Hawk. Maybe it was when you helped me with my shopping._

_ Remember that time you forced me to admit that I had a crush on you? I didn't admit it. I lied and said I would never love you. In a joking way, of course, because I am deeply in love with you in reality._

_ Sorry if this sounds cheesy or whatever, but seriously. I loved you, James Diamond, who was almost 18 when I was only 12. Call it disgusting, but people have always told me age is but a number._

_ But I never told you, James. Never spoke a word about it. I tried not to give anything away either, and I think it worked, because you never seemed to notice. Too busy caring about yourself, I guess._

_ I guess I was lucky, because if someone had figured it out, chaos would have broken lose. Kendall would get pissed off at you (even though it's not really his fault), my mom would keep me away from you (because I'm way to young for you), and nothing would ever be the same._

_ And maybe that's the reason why I never told you. I liked the way it was, and I didn't want anything to change, even though that's the only thing that was happening. Nothing stayed the same. And I just wanted you, James, my one constant, to stay that way._

_ This is kind of like a love poem or whatever, but every time I saw with some girl, kissing her, hugging her, anything, it made me envious. I wanted you, but I knew I couldn't have you deep down._

_ You were the only person I've ever felt… in love with. I've never felt that feeling with anyone else ever before. You were different, James._

_ But I couldn't tell you. You would think I'm disgusting just like everyone else did. And I couldn't risk that. There's already too many people who think that._

_ I just wanted everything to be normal. _

_ Guess that's stupid of me, huh?_

_ I don't know if I regret that or not, the not telling you thing, but now it's too late to do anything. You're going strong with that new girl in 4T. I've never bothered to get to know her name._

_ And anyways; why would handsome James Diamond ever even _think_ about dating someone small and dirty like Katie Knight?_

_ There _is_ no reason why._

_ You could say I died for you (and a bunch of other reasons), just like Juliet did with her Romeo._

_ But the one thing is, you didn't die for me._

_ James Diamond, I love you, but I never told you. _

_ And I hate myself for that._

_ James Diamond: My Sweet Romeo._

**A/N- So now you all know what James did! Not too bad, huh? But it kind of gets worse. There's another boy who does something not too bad (kinda) but the other two… not so good. **

**I'll be gone this whole weekend, so I won't be updating then. I'm trying to finish this story this month, cuz I'm leaving for China in June! **** So I'll try to update more! **

**Please review, and hoped you like this romance (kinda) chapter. I'm reading Romeo and Juliet in school, so yeah… it just kinda fit, alright?**

**Peace, Love, and Giraffes,**

**Anonymous Skrtle **


	10. The Innocent Bystander

_**Chapter 10**_

Kendall expected to feel more betrayed, more angered, at James. But he just felt sad. He'd never even known that Katie had a crush on James. He hadn't known a thing, didn't have a clue.

Why didn't Katie trust him enough to tell him? They used to tell each other everything, so why had things changed?

Then, something even more heart-stopping: was the reason related to what he had done to Katie in her 13 reasons? Did he do something so bad that she had hated him?

Whatever he did, Kendall couldn't pinpoint it. He didn't have a clue what horrible thing he could have done to Katie. He loved her. He loved her, so, so much. So much. He would give up his life for her.

But she'd given hers up willingly.

Kendall had thought he'd run out of tears already, but every time he thought about Katie, his sweet baby sister, the tears seemed to come back. "What did I ever do to you, Katie?" He whispered to no one, his voice cracking.

What did he ever do?

He just wanted to skip to whatever tape his name was on, but he knew he couldn't do that. He loved Katie too much to not obey her last promise to him.

He really loved her. So what stupid thing had he done to make her hate him?

Kendall really wanted to be mad at someone, anyone, but the only person he found a reason to be mad at was himself. He wanted to be mad at James, he really did, he really wanted to, but he just couldn't.

James had done nothing wrong. Katie had kept this to herself, and James hadn't purposefully hurt her. Katie even said it herself; it was her fault for not telling. But Kendall didn't blame her for not telling, either.

But had Kendall purposefully hurt Katie?

Kendall wanted so badly to stop thinking about Katie and what he did, but how could he? As Katie's big brother, he needed to know what he had done to hurt her.

But at the same time, he was scared. Scared to find out how big of a monster he was. And even more scared because he didn't even know what he had done. Was he so cruel that he didn't consider his crimes bad? Is that why he didn't know what he did?

Kendall stood up and left his room. He needed to talk to James.

James was in his room staring at the ceiling, and jumped a little when Kendall sat down next to him on the floor. "Hey."

James nodded back. There was silence for a few minutes, and then James whispered, "Did you finish seven?"

Kendall stared into James's eyes; eyes that he'd always thought were beautiful. They were hazel with red in them, and sometimes, Kendall thought he could stare into those eyes for eternity.

He nodded yes. James looked away, and flinched away when Kendall tried to put his hand on his shoulder.

"I-I'm sorry, Kendall… I get it if you're mad at me, I really do, but-" Kendall stopped him.

"Shut up, James." James stared at Kendall, a crushed look on his face. "I will _never_ be mad at you for something you didn't do. It wasn't your fault, James. Katie never told you, it wasn't your fault."

The two of them sat in the comfortable silence that came next. Finally, James spoke again.

"I-I'm still sorry, Kendall, but… thanks." James said sincerely. Kendall smiled back at him. He didn't remember the last time he had smiled for real, not just one of those fake smiles when some random lady came up to him and said "sorry for your loss" or whatever.

A real, happy smile.

And when James smiled back, Kendall knew that he had finally done something right for once. Finally.

Kendall sighed, standing up. James grabbed his shoulder. "Wait."

Kendall looked down at him. "What?"

James stared him in the eye. "Please… please don't be mad at Logan or Carlos. Please. If I didn't get your wrath, they don't deserve it either."

Kendall just nodded, not knowing what to say. After all, how was one supposed to respond to that? Kendall doubted anyone had ever been in a _unique_ situation like his.

"Please, Kendall, please." James whispered, tears in his eyes.

Kendall nodded again, words not coming to him. "I-I… yeah, I won't. James, I won't get mad at them, alright?"

James didn't nod, didn't shake his head, just stared right back. But then he nodded, a small, almost non-noticeable nod. "Thanks, Kendall. I'm still your best friend, remember that, alright?"

Kendall smiled back at him. "I won't forget get, James Diamond."

To avoid anymore awkward and yet strangely comfortable silences, Kendall got up and closed the door shut gently behind him.

It was time for number 8.

_line line line_

_Hello, ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls. It's time for number 8! Don't people say 8 is an unlucky number? But did you know in China, its good luck?_

_ Ha, sorry about that strange fact about the number 8. I just wanted to make this educational, you know?_

_ Okay, but for real now. Number 8. Oh, number 8. I didn't know if this boy, guy whatever, should have been on here, either, but he's had too big of an impact in my life. It's weird actually, because I don't think he… but he…_

_ Never mind, it's complicated. You have to hear the whole story first._

_ Number 8: Carlos Garcia._

Kendall had been expecting it, somehow. Of course Logan or Carlos would be next, since James had just practically begged Kendall not to get mad at them.

But what had Carlos done? Carlos was the sweetest person Kendall knew. What had he done? But every time Kendall asked himself that question, it just led him back to the whole "What did _I_ do?" question.

What had Carlos done? It was time to find out.

_I bet you guys are surprised, huh? Carlos Garcia, sweet innocent little Carlos, could never do something horrible, right?_

_ Wrong._

_ Don't get me wrong, Carlos, you're the sweetest boy I've ever met. You cry when I cry (which is really not good for your social status, I should know) and you're the one I want to be by my side when I'm having a bad time._

_ It's too bad you didn't feel that way. I'll explain later on._

_ So, yeah, Carlos, you are the most innocent and sweetest boy I will ever meet, so what could you have possibly done wrong?_

_ Well, I'll tell you._

_ You were just too oblivious, Carlos. You were too gullible. You were too innocent. Well, I guess you still are,, but I'm just talking in past tense because I'm probably dead once you hear this._

_ You know back in number… I don't even remember which number, I talked about my dad and what a douche bag he was? Well, you know how when… the thing was happening…_

_ You know what? Screw this. I won't make it easy for you guys to hear. When my dad was raping me, someone called. Remember that? How there was a phone ringing and my dad picked it up and said he was busy and that everything was fine?_

_ Yeah, you know who was calling?_

_ Carlos Garcia, yes you, Carlos, back when you were almost 12, almost my age today. You were the one who called. And I didn't just lay there waiting for my demise (though I should have), but I screamed as loud as I could._

_ "Help me! Help me, whoever's on the phone!" I had shouted that. And I had suffered the consequences._

_ My dad made sure it hurt. He beat me afterwards, too._

_ And the best part doesn't even come until later. _

_ I'm positive you heard me on that phone, Carlos. You weren't big and strong and 13 yet like my brother was, but you could understand, couldn't you? You knew something bad was happening to me._

_ So why didn't you come help?_

_ And you know that day Mercedes and her boyfriend took me to that hotel? Carlos knew about that. _

_ I know you saw me in that car that day with Mercedes. And I knew you knew something bad was going to happen. But what did you do?_

_ Nothing._

_ You did nothing._

_ I've been thinking about it. You're always there when something bad is about to happen, Carlos. Reason number 12 and 13 is just another example, but I can't go into detail about that, because then you would know who 12 and lucky 13 are._

_ You were there, Carlos, but why didn't you ever do anything?_

_ I've come up with three reasons. You can pick your favorite one, Carlitos. Hmm. I still remember when my big brother called you Carlitos. Little Carlos, isn't that what that means?_

_ Anyways, you were either too stupid or too gullible to know something was wrong (I wouldn't put that past you), you were either too wimpy to do anything about it (you _are_ a bit cowardly, I'll say that), or you just didn't want to anything (which I don't find likely. You're too nice for that (note the sarcasm)._

_ So it's probably 1 or 2. Thanks, Carlos, for always being there for me. And just because I know you might now detect it, that was sarcastic too, buddy._

_ You could have helped, Carlos. You could have saved me from this all. All of this. You could have prevented me from dying. And that was why I was about to put you as number 13._

_ But then I realized that I loved you, almost more than my big brother Kendall. You're just so sweet, and I can't do something like that to someone who has such a great heart, such a kind soul, though you didn't seem to show that to me._

_ And I don't know if you know, but Kendall practically treats you as his little brother. If someone so much as touched you, he would almost kill them. He loves you, Carlos, in a brotherly way. If I made you number 13, it would break his heart._

_ And I would never do something to hurt my big brother._

_ Except for put him on this tape._

_ So here you are, as number 8._

_ Carlos Garcia: The "Innocent" Bystander._

**A/N- Hello people! I'm not sure if I can still update before I leave to go on vacation for a month, but maybe. I have exams next week, so I'm busy with those. I get one day at home before we head off! **

**So there you guys have it; Carlos Garcia. I guess what he did (involuntarily?) was bad and good at the same time… I don't know. What do you guys think? Drop a review telling me your thoughts!**

**Hope you liked this chapter, and peace, love, and giraffes,**

**Anonymous Skrtle **


	11. The Dumb Genius

_**Chapter 11**_

Kendall didn't feel the way he had with all the other tapes. The other tapes, he had ended them pissed off and ready to punch someone. Except James, though. But for James's, he just felt neutral.

But this time, Kendall didn't know why, he wasn't pissed off at the person in the tape, aka. Carlos, but he was pissed off at the person talking in that tape.

His baby sister, Katie Knight.

Maybe it was because Carlos was like his little brother just like Katie was his little sister. Maybe it was because Carlos's innocence was what made him unique and pure and loveable, and he didn't want Katie insulting it.

But Kendall was pissed at Katie for going so hard on Carlos. Calling him stupid, an idiot, retarded… no one called Carlos something like that and got away with it.

Except for her, maybe.

Who was she to judge Carlos like that? Who was she to just go and say that-

Then he stopped himself. Who was Katie? She was a dead girl who had killed her own soul, destroyed her own body. She was his baby sister, his only one, the girl he didn't take good enough care of. The girl he had betrayed. The girl he had hurt.

Katie didn't deserve hate from him. She'd gotten enough of it already from others. She didn't deserve to be blamed for any of this.

But Kendall couldn't bring himself to get mad at Carlos, sweet and innocent little Carlos. Carlos, who had always clung to him for protection. Kendall felt like he had to protect him. He hadn't been able to bring himself to get mad at James, either.

They were his best friends, and what they had done wasn't that bad. It wasn't their fault, really. James was just… indifferent, not in a bad way, though, and Carlos was just too oblivious.

This was no one's fault. Things just happened sometimes, and Kendall just had to learn to accept that.

Even though it was hard to.

But what if they _had_ done something bad? What if they had done something worse? Would Kendall have gotten mad at them? His best friends?

No. Absolutely not.

At least that was what Kendall tried to convince himself of.

But who would he choose if he had to: His baby sister or his three best friends? Even though Katie was dead, _if_ she wasn't, who would he save if he could?

Kendall was ashamed that he didn't know the answer.

_line line line_

"Carlos? Can I come in?" Kendall knocked lightly on Carlos's bedroom door.

For a few seconds, he heard no answer. He was about to leave when Carlos called out, "Yeah. You can come in."

Kendall hesitantly entered the room. Carlos was sitting on his bed, leaning on the bedpost. He looked tired. Everyone was tired these days.

"Hey, buddy. How are you?" Kendall asked gently.

Carlos shrugged. "You-you saw it, didn't you?" His voice cracked. "You hate me now, don't you?"

Kendall sighed, sitting down beside Carlos. "No, I don't hate you. I'm not even mad at you. You didn't do anything wrong, Carlos. You didn't know."

Carlos shook his head. "Sh-she's right, Kendall. She was right about everything. I-I'm too stupid to even know that she was trouble." He whispered sadly.

"No. No, don't say that. She was wrong. She was so, so wrong. You're not stupid. You're the sweetest guy I know, Carlos." Kendall said firmly.

Carlos sniffled. "But-but I _killed_ her, Kendall. If I had been smarter, n-none of this would have happened."

"Carlos, did you not hear the other twelve tapes? You weren't the sole cause of it all, buddy. It still would have happened even if you had done something. This isn't your fault, Carlos, and I'm not mad at you." Kendall told his youngest friend.

Tears streamed down Carlos's face. "B-but you should be! I deserve it, I should have known there was something wrong… I-I'm so stupid, Kendall, I don't even know why you stick around with me anymore." He sobbed.

Kendall took Carlos's face and cupped them in his rough hands. "Hey. Stop crying. Listen to me. Carlos, look at me." Carlos sniffled and obeyed. His eyes were red and puffy.

"You are my best friend, Carlos Garcia, and nothing will ever change that. I don't blame you, just like I don't blame James for anything. You are my best, _best_ friend, Carlos, and I would sacrifice my _life_ for you."

"Do you understand? This is _not_ your fault." Kendall emphasized each word to get it through Carlos's head. Carlos breathed heavily, but he nodded.

"I-I understand." He whispered. There was a ghost of a smile on his face. "Th-thanks, Kendall." He said, wiping his eyes with the sleeve of his shirt.

Kendall stood up. "You promise you'll be okay here?"

Carlos nodded. "Yeah. I'll be fine."

Kendall nodded back. "Alright, then, I guess I'm going to find out who number 9 is." He said, more to himself than to Carlos.

Carlos tried to smile back, but Kendall knew something bad was coming.

_line line line_

_Hello, ladies and gentlemen, it's time for number 9. Ooh, look! We're getting close to the end. Aren't you guys glad?_

_ But for those of you who haven't been mentioned yet, I guess that's not good. Because with every tape coming and going, your chance of being lucky number 13 is increasing._

_ Enough of that. You guys already knew that, though, didn't you?_

_ Anyways, let's just get started. You guys shouldn't be surprised by this one, if you knew the last two people on here._

_ Number 9: Logan Mitchell._

_ Logan, you're not as nice as Carlos, but you aren't mean. So why would smart, nerdy Logan be on here?_

_ Well, that's what I'm here for, isn't it?_

_ If anyone knows Logan, they'd all describe him in one word: smart._

_ And yes, Logan, you are _very_ smart. And that's kind of how you got onto this tape. See? Being smart isn't always good. You always used to tell me being smart would never be bad for you._

_ But it is. And you're learning that the hard way._

_ I guess you could Logan was motivated by reason number 10, coming up soon, but I think he also had another reason for doing what he did. I'm not saying this is the only reason, since there _is_ number 10, but it is a big part of why._

_ He wanted to be cool, to have popularity. To not always be "nerdy Logan" to those around him._

_ And I understand that, I really do. You even downloaded that swag app to make yourself cool, Logan. Isn't that all people want these days?_

_ Even I wanted that. But I just didn't use other people to try and earn it back._

_ Because really? You went to far this time._

_ I first saw it when I came home from school one day. You guys were at rehearsals with the feared Gustavo Rocque (though really, he isn't actually all that scary). I logged on to my email, and there were a bunch of invites._

_ I was surprised, because really? At that time, who would send me any sort of invite unless it humiliated me?_

_ That should have been a warning to me. But I opened it up anyways, in hopes that maybe, just maybe, I could restore some of my previous friendships._

_ I was wrong, just like I always was. It was stupid of me to even open it up._

_ Just so you guys aren't in the dark any longer, it was a blog. A blog about me. And someone, a certain someone, had posted certain videos of me on it._

_ Yes, Logan, I'm talking about you. I don't know how you did it, but you posted a bunch of… strange videos of me on that blog. Like, ones that mess with your hormones. _

_ And yes, they were fake. I'm not that kind of person, even though everyone seems to think so._

_ I still today have no friggin' clue how you did that, Logan, but you are smart, aren't you? You can pretty much do anything with a computer and a little bit of brain smarts._

_ The comment beneath were one hundred times worse than the video, if that's even possible. There were at least a few hundred on there, Logan, laughing at me. Calling me names._

_ Did you know that, Logan Mitchell? Did you know what your stupid attempt to bring popularity did to me? But I should've known. People are selfish these days._

_ Especially to me. At least it seems that way, don't you think, Logan?_

_ Your other two friends before you, Logan, were nowhere as bad as you. James and Carlos put together aren't even half as bad as what you did to me, Logan._

_ First of all, you did it intentionally. You knew what the consequences would be, even if you didn't know that I was already being hated on. You knew they'd be bad. But you still went ahead and did, didn't you?_

_ Second of all, what you did was just selfish. Thinking of yourself and not anyone else kind of selfish. Well, what other kind is there? Logan, you completely tossed me aside just to get what you wanted._

_ Did you get your swag, Logan? Did the stupid blog make you a better person? I doubt it._

_ Did you get your revenge, Logan? Only you and I know about the revenge you wanted to plot on me, after all._

_ That's reason number 10, and I'll get to it soon. And once you find out the real story, Logan, it'll be too late. Your revenge has already been done, even though I did nothing to you in the first place._

_ You know what I'm talking about, don't you? You should, or else you're stupider than I thought you were._

_ And yes, I said stupid._

_ Oh, Logan, you've never been close to me, but you were still like my big brother. We didn't usually talk, but I still went to you for advice._

_ After all, I used to think you were real smart. _

_ But after doing this?_

_ Oh boy, do I take that back._

_ Logan Mitchell: The Dumb Genius_

**A/N- I'm back, guys! I know a lot of you realllly wanted me to update this story, so I did! And thank you so much for the support! I'm so glad you guys like the story and want to read more! Your reviews and support keep me writing!**

**And just a reminder, number 1 tape wasn't the least bad, and number 12 isn't the worst before 13. It's completely random, the order, except for 13. Just clearing that up… some people seemed confused about it. **

**This story is at 200 reviews! Thank you so much, guys! Love you all! **

**Peace, Love, and Big Time Rush!**

**Anonymous Skrtle **


	12. The Cheating Teacher

_**Chapter 12**_

Screw the stupid thing about him not getting mad at his friends no matter _what_ they did.

He was pissed off at Logan.

He was going to _kill _him, he swore. If he ever got his hands on Logan… He would do bad things to him. _Bad things._

But then he stopped himself. _Kendall, what are you thinking? He's your _best_ friend. Why would you want to hurt him?_

"Because he hurt my baby sister!" Kendall screamed to himself, responding to the voice stuck in his head. "He hurt her, and he's not getting away with it!

_Yeah, but why didn't you get this mad at James or little Carlos?_

Kendall stopped for a second. "Those were accidents! Logan did this on purpose!" Kendall kept on yelling. He heard footsteps out in the hallway. He ignored them. "He knew what he was doing and he… he-he still did it."

But then he remembered something.

_ Did you get your revenge, Logan? Only you and I know about the revenge you wanted to plot on me, after all._

Logan didn't do it just because he wanted to, out of nowhere. Something had happened. Katie had done something to Logan to make him so mad. Because Logan was nice; he'd never do something like that for no reason.

But then, nice people didn't do stuff like that in the first place.

_See? No reason to get so mad at Logan._

"Shut up!" Kendall said loudly, not screaming anymore. His anger was cooling down a little. He shouldn't get mad at Logan. But still… he should. He deserved it, that was for sure.

But what had Katie done?

"And why are you defending Logan? You're _my_ head, you're supposed to be helping _me_ out, or making fun of _me._" Kendall said, his tone normal now.

The door opened.

If it had been Logan, Kendall didn't know what he would have done. Either would have punched him or hugged him.

He was seriously bipolar, wasn't he?

But it wasn't Logan. It was James and Carlos, their faces confused and a little amused when they saw no one in the room. "Dude, who were you yelling at?" James asked, smiling a little.

Kendall sighed, his cheeks heating up a little. "No one. Just… my head."

James laughed a little. Even Carlos cracked a tiny smile. "Your head? Oh, so now you have voices in your head?"

Kendall glared at them. "Shut up… I just heard about Logan."

The room went quiet. Carlos grabbed James's strong arm for protection, his face looking a little scared, like Kendall would go and do something bad to Logan any second now.

And maybe he was. Maybe he was going to do just that.

"And… a-are you mad?" Carlos asked slowly, cautiously. Like Kendall was about to explode.

Was this really how his friends thought of him now? Someone who got angry easily and got angry at other people easily?

_Isn't that how you're actually like?_ Kendall sighed. That stupid voice.

It kind of sounded like Katie's.

Kendall shook his head. He didn't want Carlos to talk to him like he was some sort of volcano; about to explode. He didn't want James to look at him like he was some sort of monster.

Because he wasn't.

_Maybe you are… there are only 13 reasons, and you still haven't heard yourself on those tapes yet, right?_ Kendall froze.

"Shut up!" He screamed. "Shut up, shut up, _shut up!_" He yelled it so loudly that it made James flinch and Carlos jump. Literally jump.

He hated himself even more when James backed away slowly and reached out his arm to block Carlos protectively. _He thinks you're going to hurt him._ That stupid, stupid, _stupid _voice!

Kendall took a few deep breaths. "I-I'm sorry… it's just the voice in my head… it's really annoying." He admitted softly. James relaxed a little. He took a few steps back into Kendall's room.

"Hey. Dude, it's alright. It's tough for you, I know. It was tough for me, and it's _your _baby sister." James started sitting down beside Kendall.

Kendall took a shaky breath. "I-I know… but… it's just that… I wanna be mad at Logan. So much. But I don't want you guys to think I'm some sort of monster. I swear, I'm mad at him, but I won't hurt him." He explained.

He reached the conclusion just as he said it. He wouldn't hurt Logan. He'd done enough of hurting, and… and…

Had his friends hurt _him_ yet for what _he'd_ done to Katie? It must've been something really, _really,_ bad, but they hadn't even gotten mad at him yet.

They were good friends, really good. But what about him?

He wasn't going to get mad. He wasn't.

"Kendall, dude. We don't think you're a monster… just a guy going through a hard time and not knowing how to cope with it." James explained. It comforted Kendall a little, but only a little. At least James and Carlos didn't think he was a monster…

"Yeah, and Logan's in his room right now. He… he knows you just saw the tape. I think you… you-you should go talk to him, Kendall." Carlos added quietly.

Kendall took a few deep breaths, and then nodded. "I'll go talk to him. And I will _not_ hurt him. I… I promise." He promised firmly. James and Carlos both smiled at him.

"Thanks… you don't know how much you guys mean to me." Kendall thanked them gratefully. But when he saw James and Carlos nod, he knew.

They knew how much they meant to him.

And Kendall was glad.

When he left the room, he half-hugged James and full-hugged Carlos. "Thank you so much." He whispered.

Then he turned and walked on into Logan's room.

Mr. Reason Number 9.

Logan looked up so fast, Kendall thought he would fall. "Oh… hey." His voice was quiet, cautious… scared.

Kendall was about to change that.

"Hey, Logan. I, um… heard the tapes about you."

Silence.

"And… I-I'm not mad at you."

Logan raised his eyebrows. He laughed. "Really? You aren't mad at me for posting a blog of your baby sister naked?" He asked skeptically.

Kendall flinched a little at the bluntness of Logan's words. Logan sighed. "I'm sorry… it's just that… you should be mad at me. I'm mad at myself."

Kendall shook his head. "Maybe I'm a little mad… but I promised myself that I wouldn't hurt you. And I don't want to. You don't deserve it. Because even though you did something horrible to Katie… it doesn't mean you're not a good friend."

Logan sniffled a little. Kendall saw tears in his eyes. "How am I a good friend? Good friends don't stab each other's little sisters in the back for no good reason! Good friends don't betray their friends period!" He sobbed.

Kendall shook his head again. "No, no, stop it, Logan. You _are_ a good friend. You are. You've always helped us when we needed it. And even Katie said it; you were getting revenge. And, yes, that's not… _good,_ but it's not like you just did it because you want to."

Logan looked up. "Y-yeah, but that's no excuse for being so horrible to Katie! I was so s-stupid, Kendall! I-I'm sorry, Kendall… I'm so, so sorry." Logan cried. Kendall wrapped his arm around him.

"I forgive you. I swear. And… I'm on there, too, Logan. I may even be number 13. But I've never, _ever,_ received crap from you guys about what I've done. And I bet… I bet it was even worse than what you did! You're not stupid… but maybe I am."

And there it was again. _What the heck had Kendall done?_

Logan widened his eyes. "Kendall… I-I can't say anything… but, but… you're not a bad person either. You're not stupid, either. Even if you _did_ do something to Katie."

Kendall just nodded. He would see for himself soon. Soon. That's what he kept on telling himself. _Soon…_

"Logan?" Logan wiped his eyes a little and looked up.

"Yeah?"

"Stop crying. Please. I don't blame you and you should stop blaming yourself. The past is the past, right?"

Logan took a shaky breath. "Y-you're my best friend, did you know that? You're the greatest friend in the whole world."

Kendall smiled. He knew it was Logan's way of saying thank you.

"Yep, I've been told."

_line line line_

It was time for reason 10.

The reason for all of Logan's cruelty.

Kendall honestly had no idea who it was. But then it struck him.

What if it was _him?_

There was cold sweat going down his back as he shakily reached down and slid the next tape, the _last_ tape, into the player.

_Last tape, fellows! Aren't you guys excited? I know I am._

_ Because this is the tape that contains number 13! Lucky man or woman! Number 13! If you're name hasn't been mentioned yet, you have a 25% chance of being that lucky person!_

_ But now, it's not time for that. It's time for number 10. Boring, old 10. This explains what number 9 did… but not really. Logan was getting revenge… but it still caused more damage than ever._

_ I'm sorry, Logan, for mentioning you again. You already got your share of guilt. I shouldn't give you anymore._

_ So here it goes, cutting right to the chase._

_ Number 10: Lily Collins. _

_ Or as we call her, Miss Collins._

Kendall paused. He hadn't paused at the mention of the person for a long time. But this one shocked him too much.

Miss _Collins?_ Their gentle, strict, firm, nice, kind _teacher?_ What had _she_ done? And what did Logan have to do with it?

Play.

_Most of you guys probably know her as a teacher. Most of the people on the tapes have her as their teacher, well, at least for a little while you did. _

_ She's nice, I'll say that._

_ On the outside._

_ I don't know why she wanted to do what she did… she had no obvious motive, so maybe she was just naturally cruel like that. And it wasn't like she was nice or anything… after all, when my brothers were about to perform at that Rocktober Fest, she was so strict about getting all their work done…_

_ So, yeah, you're probably just evil like that, huh, Miss Collins?_

_ It all started one day when the boys turned in their book reports on.. what was it? Wuthering Heights, that book. Doesn't everyone seem to read that book in high school?_

_ Anyways, Logan, as always, expected an A+, but when he got it back the next day, he found a big fat F._

_ Trust me, everyone was shocked, too, so we all knew something had gone down. Something was wrong._

_ He was pissed, and even more so when he glanced at the paper and saw it wasn't the one he'd written. He complained to Miss Collins that it wasn't the work he had turned in._

_But Miss Collins just shrugged with this whole "too bad, so sad" attitude. I could so tell Logan wanted to punch her in the face. But Logan's not like that. He would never hit a girl._

_ He'd hurt one, but not hit one. Sorry, Logie. Trashing on you again._

_ Enough of that. Anyways, Miss Collins told me to stay back one day. You'd never liked me all that much, have you, Lily?_

_ And no, I will not show you respect anymore by calling you Miss. You don't deserve it. Not after what you did._

_ She pulled me in and told me that she'd given Logan an F and pretended to write a paper that was supposedly his. But guess what?_

_ You remember what you told me, right Lily?_

_ You said that you'd told Logan that _I_ had done it. Switched papers around, threw Logan's away, as a prank. I literally felt my heart stop when I heard that, Lily._

_ "Logan's mad at you. Real mad." You had said that with a smirk on your face. I wanted to punch that smirk off your face._

_ And of course, smart Logan would go and get revenge on me._

_ Why would you do that? Did you hate me? What had I ever done to you?_

_ Really, what had I ever done to you?_

_ Seriously, you're probably the only person on here who has no motive, none at all, not even a stupid one, for doing what you did._

_ You're disgusting, Lily. You are a cheating, lying, disrespected teacher. Well, now that everyone knows about you, I hope they lose all the respect they had for you._

_ I really hope so._

_ I hate you, I know that. I hate you more than the devil himself. Okay, maybe that's an exaggeration, because the devil _did_ create you, didn't he?_

_ So, I don't feel sorry for you, and maybe one day you can apologize for your stupid actions. But it'll be too late for me then. But it won't be for Logan._

_ Goodbye forever, you evil teacher. You were someone I trusted, a figure of authority, a _teacher,_ and you completely betrayed me and Logan. Logan loves teachers, Lily, and now he hates them._

_ All because of you._

_ I made up for being mean, didn't I, Logan?_

_ I hate you, Lilly Collins, and I hope you have a bad rest of your life._

_Lily Collins: The Cheating Teacher _

**A/N- Holy cow, this was long… but I say that cuz it's a good thing. I didn't even notice until I pressed "word count" that it had gotten this long! But hope you guys loved it! *insert smiley face here***

**Review and tell me what you thought of Collins. She's evil, isn't she? I always got that vibe from her… wink.**

**Peace, Love, and Giraffes,**

**Anonymous Skrtle**


	13. The Backstabbing Wannabe

_**Chapter 13**_

"Dude, you sure you're not mad?" Kendall looked up, staring into James's hazel eyes. He was currently sitting in the taller boy's room, Carlos lying on his bed reading a comic book and Logan watching them on a nearby chair.

"No. I'm disappointed in her, but she's not worth my time." Kendall responded firmly. There was no changing his mind.

Lily Collins wasn't worth getting angry over. None of the others were (except his best friends, though), either, but Kendall hadn't learned then.

He hadn't learned that people like Lily Collins were too worthless to get mad over. It wasn't worth it.

Kendall had sat in his room for hours after listening to reason number 10. He felt that familiar streak of anger, and he really did want to find that woman witch and slap some sense into her.

But then, he remembered what had happened before when he'd gotten angry.

He'd hurt Jo (not that he'd actually regretted it, but still…), he'd hurt his three best friends, made them cry, and he'd hurt himself.

By being mad at everyone, he led himself to wonder how mad at _himself_ he'd be when his reason came up.

Kendall decided that he was done with being mad. He had to learn to forgive… even though these people had practically killed his baby sister.

He had to learn to control his emotions, something that he knew he wasn't good at. Gustavo had only told him every day of rehearsal. He had anger management issues… he knew it, everyone knew it.

"Carlos, sit up. That's bad for your eyes." Logan mumbled. Carlos pouted, making this adorable face that only Carlos could.

"Logie…" He whined. Kendall almost smiled for a second. Things seemed back to normal. Logan and Carlos were arguing again, weren't they?

But then he realized that it meant that people were getting over Katie's death. They were forgetting about her.

And Kendall didn't think he could do that. He couldn't.

Logan seemed to read his mind. He stopped messing with Carlos and looked at Kendall. "Kendall, you alright? You know, it's really admirable of you to not try and get revenge on her…"

Everyone knew what he had been planning to say. _Like I had._ Logan had gotten revenge, and look what had happened. Kendall was learning from other people's mistakes.

He wasn't going to make the same one. He wasn't going to hurt the people he cared about the most. Not anymore.

Not ever again.

"What does admirable even mean?" James asked, smirking. Logan rolled his eyes, obviously annoyed that people didn't have the same complicated vocabulary as he did.

"It means, Kendall, that I admire you for not doing what I did. It's admirable." Logan repeated. Kendall smiled a little at that.

He'd finally done something right for once.

And he was going to keep it that way.

"Thanks, guys. I know I've been a horrible friend the past couple of weeks, and I just wanted to apologize. You guys are the most important people in my life, other than my mom." Kendall told them.

The three other boys smiled at him. "Hey, you apologized. Everyone makes mistakes. I mean, you saw what we did to Katie. No one's perfect, Kendall, and we forgive you. One hundred percent." James stated.

"So… so are we best friends again?" Everyone turned toward Carlos, who shrunk back and smiled a little.

"Yep. Best friends forever." Kendall said.

Logan laughed. "Dude, why be so cheesy all the time?" But he didn't deny it.

They were best friends again.

_line line line _

"Mom?"

Kendall watched his mom washing the dishes that night, wrinkles around her eyes and her face. His mom was getting tired. Everyone was.

But Mrs. Knight stayed up late into the night, not speaking a word and just staring off into space, probably wondering why her beautiful daughter had taken her own life.

Kendall would never tell her about the tapes. Never. She didn't deserve it. She didn't deserve the pain that Kendall had gone through watching them.

Mrs. Knight was the one person Kendall still had left other than his three friends. He couldn't lose her; he couldn't.

But Mrs. Knight seemed to be losing herself.

Kendall was going to fix that. "Hey, you can go rest if you want. I can do the chores and stuff. I know… I know it's been hard for you, mom."

Mrs. Knight smiled. "Oh, sweetie, I'm fine. I'm worried about you, though… are you alright? You seemed to have been taking this the hardest."

Kendall sighed. "Yeah, I'm fine now. I said sorry to Logie, James, and Carlos, and we're all good now. I'm just worried about you, mom. I want you back."

Mrs. Knight smiled. "I know, sweetie, I know. And I'm trying my best. I just need a little bit of time, that's all. And that's good, sweetie, that you made up with your friends. I love you so much, did you know that?"

Kendall nodded. "Yep, and I love you more." And he was willing to give his mom that time she needed to redeem herself. He would wait for a million years if he had to.

As long as he got his mom back.

Mrs. Knight shook her head. "I don't think that's possible. I love you too much."

Wow, Kendall thought, this was sure a cheesy day.

_line line line_

Kendall was ready for number 11. Three more reasons left, and he was one of them. There was a 33.3% chance number 13 would be him, and he hoped that would change with number 11.

He really hoped he was number 11. If he wasn't, that percentage would go up to 50%. Half and half.

He didn't know if he could deal with that.

He pressed play.

_Hello, folks. It's time for number 11. These last three… they're pretty bad. But you guys already know bad, don't you? _

_ Anyways, I really have nothing else to say, so here goes number 11._

_ Number 11: Gustavo Rocque._

Kendall's breath stopped. He wasn't number 11.

50% chance. A 50% chance he'd be number 13.

That was like taking a good apple and a bad apple, and then picking one and hoping it was the good apple.

Oh no, he was going to be 13, he knew it. He just knew it.

Kendall felt like someone had punched him in the gut. Hard.

He collapsed onto the floor, his knees weak and wobbly. "I'm sorry, Katie…" He sobbed. He didn't know where all the emotions were coming from, but he knew he was number 13.

He just knew it.

But then, then something happened. He didn't know what, but he suddenly felt optimistic.

He wasn't going to be number 13. He couldn't be… Katie loved him, why would she put him as number 13?

But maybe since they were the closest, Kendall's betrayal hurt her the most.

He had to be number 13, right?

No. He couldn't be. He wasn't number 13.

Kendall felt so conflicted with his bipolar feelings. He didn't think he could go on. He didn't realize he was screaming until his three best friends charged into his room, all asking questions at once.

"What's wrong, Kendall?"

"Are you okay?"

"Dude, what's wrong?"

Kendall couldn't answer any of them, just shaking his head back and forth a million times, not even processing their words. All he could think was, _I'm reason number 13._

He couldn't handle this. He was breaking down.

In the midst of his meltdown, Kendall thought he heard Katie. It was probably in his head, but it sounded like she was right there next to him, calming him down along with James, Logan, and Carlos.

_Don't cry, Big Brother. It's alright, I'm okay._

For some reason, that was what ultimately got Kendall to stop crying. Katie was okay. She had told him herself. He didn't know if it was his imagination or not, but whatever it was, Katie was fine.

And so he would be fine, too.

"Kendall, buddy, what happened?"

Kendall took a few shaky breaths, trying to stop his tears. He succeeded and looked up at Logan, who had just spoken.

"N-nothing… I-I just thought I'd be… n-number 13." He whispered. The three boys glanced at each other, and Kendall couldn't read their faces.

"I'm sorry, man, I know it's hard… but you know we can't tell you." James told Kendall gently.

Kendall let out a dry sob. "Please, please, _please,_ just tell me… I can't bear this any longer… I can't live knowing that I killed her…" He looked away.

Someone put their hand on his shoulder, and Kendall was surprised to see it was Carlos. "Kendall, you didn't kill her, she killed herself. She's just blaming other people, so it's not your fault at all. And no matter what, we'll still be your best friends."

Kendall took a deep breath. He turned around and hugged Carlos tightly in his protective arms. "Thanks, Carlos. And you guys too." He reached over and Logan and James joined in the hug, too.

His friends were here, and that was all that mattered. His friends would always be by his side, even if he wasn't by theirs.

And he would make sure he was _always_ sticking by their sides. He would never let them go.

And though his baby sister had been lost, Kendall was grateful that his three best friends had not been taken away from him yet.

After a while, the three let Kendall go. "You can go back to your… listening." Logan told him quietly. Kendall just nodded and wished his friends knew how grateful he was for them.

Once they were gone, he pressed play again.

Time to see what their boss, Gustavo, had done to Katie.

_Gustavo Rocque, you're known for your anger management issues and your loud screaming. Everyone's afraid of you, almost. Kendall is the one person who can stand up to you and not be afraid of the consequences._

_ I think you almost like having him there to challenge you mental skills, Gustavo. Am I right or what?_

_ Anyways, Gustavo, I wrote an essay on why I admired you. And even though it was just an easy way for me to do my homework without actually trying, I actually did admire you to some extent._

_ Even though you practically treated Griffin as your, like, God or something, you were willing to stand up for him and risk your job and your fame for the four dogs you called Big Time Rush._

_ I admitted you for that, I really did. And remember that day we were locked in that safety vault thing because you forgot your password? _

_ Yeah, you told me you really liked me, and that you'd miss me when I was gone. And that was when I started trusting you. I wanted to trust you with everything, even though I knew trusting people wasn't a good idea._

_ And it wasn't._

_ One day, I'm not sure how long ago it was, I went into your office pretending to sell something. But when everyone else was gone, I broke down right in front of you._

_ I told you all my problems, spilled all my secrets to you (well, maybe not all of them), like I have done with these tapes, and do you know what you did?_

_ I expected you, more of a hoped, actually, that you would understand. That your side of compassion would show, and your heart would feel for me._

_ I thought you would be able to solve all my problems. Well, most of them anyway._

_ I though I could trust you to love me in a world where no one else seemed to._

_ But you brushed me off, pushed me away when I need you the most._

_ "Stop messing around with me, Katie, I'm busy. I don't have time to deal with you right now."_

_ That's what you said to me. That's what you said. Don't you remember, Gustavo? Do you remember how you shooed me away like I was nothing, said that you were too _busy_ too "deal" with me?_

_ You thought this was some kind of joke, huh? That somehow, I, Katie Knight, was smart enough to make up something like that and cry while I pretended to be betrayed by all the people I had trusted._

_ You are one fool of a dog, Mr. Rocque._

_ I never trusted anyone again after that day. I was convinced no one cared about me anymore. You just made sure of it, Gustavo._

_ Maybe one day, you'll get your head out of the clouds, out of riches and fame and all that, and care for once. Care about the people around you. Care about your assistant Kelly, who is loyal and caring even when you push her away._

_ Stop focusing your life on money and fame and just love the people who love you. Care about Kendall, James, Logan, and Carlos, who work their butts off for you and always come to you for help._

_ Stop trying so hard to be famous, Gustavo. Care about _me_, Gustavo. Me, who wanted to trust you when I didn't trust anyone else. Me, the one you betrayed in exchange for Hollywood fame and riches._

_ And that is why, Mr. Gustavo, you are number 11. One of the worst yet._

_ But not yet the worst. The worst is still to come._

_ Gustavo Rocque: The Backstabbing Wannabe_

**A/N- So… Gustavo… I don't know if any of you expected that one…**

**Is Kendall number 13? You'll just have to find out. Next chapter will be number 12 and some more interaction. It's gonna get intense, friends (and enemies). And isn't Kendall getting better at controlling himself? **

**I hope you liked this chapter, express you thoughts in that review box below, and see you guys later!**

**Peace, Love, and Giraffes,**

**Anonymous Skrtle (insert smiley face here)**


	14. Moment of Truth

_**Chapter 14**_

Kendall's first thought wasn't about Gustavo, it was about himself.

_I have a 50% chance of being number 13._

That was his one thought. It echoed over and over again in his head. He could be number 13. He was actually very likely to be number 13.

It was the scariest thing in his life. Even more scary than when James got into that car crash when he was 6, even scarier than when Logan got beat up by those bullies and had to be taken to the hospital, even scarier when Carlos had that asthma attack and almost died.

It was even scarier than when Katie had died.

And that was saying something.

How would he live knowing that he had been the primary reason Katie had killed herself, ended her short life?

He wouldn't be able to, that's what.

He may end up the same way Katie ended up.

Dead.

But then he tried to calm himself down. He couldn't end his life just because he was number 13. He would be just like Katie, hurting so many people who still needed him even if he didn't realize it.

His mother, who was fragile and weak now that Katie was torn away from her. James, Logan, and Carlos, who needed him to be there to be their best friend.

The countless people who still needed him that didn't pop into his head at that moment. They all needed him. He couldn't die.

So Kendall decided that he wouldn't. Even if he was number 13, he would learn to take it like a man and learn from his mistakes.

Even if his mistake had cost someone their life.

Now, his head allowed him to return to Gustavo. Gustavo had always been mean. After all, he had made Logan cry during their auditions, he made Carlos cry once too when he started screaming at him for messing up all the time, and he crushed James's confidence time and time again.

And don't forget the fact that Kendall and Gustavo had always been sort of enemies, with Kendall's stubborn attitude and Gustavo's impatience.

But Gustavo liked Katie, even though it didn't seem like it. He had even admitted it to Katie, Katie had told him herself. Kendall had thought, finally, _finally,_ Gustavo had started to take a liking to someone.

But even Kendall wouldn't have expected Gustavo, the man with apparently no heart, to stoop this low.

Knowing that a little girl, his boy band member's little sister, needed his help, but not providing it and tossing her aside, was something not even someone heartless would do.

And Kendall had started to think that Gustavo had a heart at that time.

Gustavo had lost Kendall's respect the moment he appeared on these tapes and Kendall knew what he had done to Katie.

He was Katie's last hope, and he had ruined it just for fame and work and success and the band. Kendall was disappointed in Gustavo. He had let him down. He hadn't provided the comfort Katie needed at a critical time.

But why hadn't she come to Kendall, her big brother?

Why hadn't she trusted him to help?

Kendall knew the answer. Because he had done something horrible to her and she was afraid to approach him.

Never in his life would Kendall think that Katie would have been scared of him. Like, for real scared of him. So scared of him she didn't want to get help from her big brother when she had suicidal thoughts.

Kendall hated himself for putting his sister in a position like that.

He absolutely hated himself.

Kendall had hated himself before when he had ditched his friends and blamed other people for Katie's death, but now he hated himself more than he ever did before.

Because while he was playing the blame game, it was him all along that had caused Katie's death.

He was reason number 13. He was.

He was snapped out of his thoughts when his cell phone rang. He had completely forgotten it was there in his pocket. He hadn't used it since a week after Katie died. He was surprised it hadn't lost battery yet.

The caller I.D. said _Kelly Wainwright_.

Kendall was immediately brought back into the days when Kelly would call him and tell him about rehearsal changes and concert dates and such. But he had no idea what Kelly would be telling him this time.

"Hello?"

"Kendall, is that you?" He hadn't heart from Kelly… or Gustavo, in a long time. Not since they had called in saying how they were sorry Katie had died.

"Yeah, um, is there something you need?" Kendall asked hesitantly.

Kelly sighed. "Kendall… I know you got those tapes."

Silence.

"What… what are you talking about?" Kendall asked, bewildered and shocked. He had not expected this. Anything but this.

That meant Kelly was number 12 or 13. Kelly had done something to Katie, too. Kelly had-

"I… I'm the keeper of that second set of tapes Katie talked about." Kelly said softly. Kendall let out a sigh of relief. Kelly was at least still his friend. She hadn't done anything wrong. At least not to Katie.

"I'm sorry, I just found them one day on my doorstep, and by then, she was already dead, and-" Kelly rambled on. Kendall interrupted her.

"Kelly, don't worry about it. It's not your fault… is that all you wanted to talk to me about?" Kendall asked.

"Kendall… if you've gotten to Gustavo's tape yet… well, can I speak you about that?" Kelly asked cautiously.

Kendall didn't know what to do. Blow up at Kelly or talk it out?

"Yeah, sure."

"I know it sounds bad, Kendall… but you know Gustavo, he's just that kind of person. And just so you know he's vowed to change now. He hasn't yelled at anyone in 5 days. He's really sorry, Kendall…"

Kendall sighed. "Then why didn't he come and say so himself?"

"Kendall, sweetie, Gustavo… he's afraid, you know? He may seem so tough on the outside… but really, he's just afraid people will take advantage of him. He's so guilt-ridden that he didn't eat for 3 days, Kendall…" Kelly explained sadly.

Kendall paused. Gustavo… _scared?_ When had those two words come together?

But Kendall understood. Kendall's stubborn, I-don't-care attitude was sometimes put on as a façade to hide his fear of people taking advantage of him, too.

In a few ways, Kendall was just like Gustavo. He'd hurt Katie, he'd regretted it (though he didn't know what exactly he had done), and he was afraid of other people taking advantage of him.

Just like Gustavo.

And never in a million years would Kendall have thought that he would ever feel sympathetic towards the large, angry man.

But he did. He understood him. He knew he didn't mean it. Gustavo wasn't like that, at least not on the inside. Where it mattered.

"Tell him that I forgive him." Kendall stated confidently. And he _did_ forgive Gustavo, because everyone made mistakes, and he and Kendall were so alike…

Kelly sounded surprised. "So fast? Kendall, he-"

But Kendall didn't want to hear it. "Please, Kelly… just… tell him, please?" He begged quietly.

Kelly agreed. "Alright, Kendall. You don't know how much this means to Gustavo. You're a good kid, and I'm really sorry about Katie. But things will get better, Kendall, don't worry. And if they don't, that means that they will soon."

And then she hung up. Kendall sat there, listening to the beeping of the phone.

He felt different. Like something had just opened up inside of him.

Logan had used a word for it before, something that began with an e, but Kendall didn't remember it.

But he suddenly reached a conclusion. No one was perfect, and everyone made mistakes. Some worse than others, but really? They all felt some regret for it; they all felt guilty, even when they didn't show it.

And Kendall just had to learn how to forgive and forget, even if the forgetting part had to do with his baby sister's life.

His friends alive now were the most important. Don't get him wrong, Katie was important, and still was, but now it was time to start caring about the other living people around him.

Kendall was ready to restore the friendships he had lost. He's already gotten James, Logan, and Carlos back, and now he thought he got Gustavo back.

Katie would be proud of him.

Kendall smiled at that. Katie had always been forgiving, and though she didn't sound like she forgave any of the 13 reasons, Kendall bet that if she were still alive, she'd be forgiving them, even if it hurt her.

So that was what Kendall was doing. Forgiving, and soon, forgetting.

And that was that.

He opened his tape player and started number 12.

He was going to keep on going, no matter what happened. If he wasn't number 12, then he was for sure number 13.

But whatever he was, Kendall would learn to forgive himself. It would take a long time, but Kendall would forgive himself. He'd never forget, but he would try to.

Because that's what would have made Katie happy.

It was time for reason number 12. If this was him, then he wasn't going to be number 13. But if it wasn't…

Kendall pressed play.

_It's the moment of truth now. Reason number 12 and 13. For the two of you out there, congratulations!_

_ One of you will be rotting in the underworld forever. The other… well, you'll just be feeling guilty._

_ If you're name has not been called after this reason, then you are for sure number 13. Unless you're my keeper of the second set of tapes. You know who you are. You're listening in on this, too, right?_

_ You can keep these tapes if you are number 13, as a memory to go on with you forever, and forever, and ever… Sorry about that._

_ Alright, let's cut to the chase. Number 12, oh… number 12._

_ I never thought number 12 would ever betray me like this. But they did._

_ Number 12: Kendall Knight._

Kendall dropped his phone on the ground.

**A/N- AAAAHHHH! IT'S KENDALL! Almost all of you guys have been waiting for this one… next chapter's gonna be about what Kendall did! And who's number 13? Hmmm… only I know! wink**

**Anyways, Big Time Dreams was SO SAD! I wanted to cry… but I couldn't. It was too sad to cry, you know what I mean? Probably not. I loved that show… I'm still grieving over it. And at the end… the "We Are" video… AAAAHHH! They've grown up so fast…**

**And as a tribute for BTR, I'm going to start a little "How They Met" story thingy about them. I know I already have one… it's gonna be another one, hopefully more accurate this time. Hopefully. So look out for that. (wink)**

**Peace, Love, and BTR,**

**Anonymous Skrtle **


	15. My Big Brother

_**Chapter 15**_

Kendall promised himself he wouldn't cry anymore over this whole 13 reasons thing, but he still collapsed into tears at the sound of his name.

He wasn't number 13.

He didn't know if it was selfish or not, being happy someone else was number 13. But he was just so… _relieved. _He felt happy, even though he knew it was still bad that he was number 12.

He was probably the second worse one on there. Which, considering the ones before, was pretty bad.

Kendall wanted to hurt himself, right then and there, for just hurting Katie. His baby sister.

But he still didn't know what he had done, not even at this second. What had he done that was so horrible he deserved to be number 12?

Guess it was time to find out.

_Kendall, my big brother… You betrayed me, you stabbed me in the back. It hurt so much it actually felt like you literally stabbed me._

_ You had always been my idol, Kendall. Ever since dad left, I had always come to you for help. You've always helped me, and you've always known what to do._

_ Everyone admired you for you charisma, Kendall. You've always been the leader, in our family, with the boys… You were always like that. I couldn't remember back to the time where you weren't like that._

_ It was night when it happened. Isn't that when all the bad stuff happens? At least that's what someone told me once before. I forgot who, though._

_ I was sitting on the couch, crying my eyes out, on the brink of depression. I was so heartbroken then, just sitting there crying, not caring who came in and saw me._

_ I wanted their comfort. Anyone's comfort would be good._

_ So when someone opened the door to 2J, I looked up, hopeful that it was you, Kendall. I really, really hoped it was you._

_ And it was._

_ You stumbled through the door, which was the first sign that something was wrong. You didn't walk through the door; you stumbled. You walked like someone kept on pushing you around._

_ I should have known then. But I was too caught up in my misery to notice._

_ "Kendall?" I had asked, my voice sad and broken. I was sure you would have stopped and asked me what was wrong, but you didn't. You just kept on walking, no, _stumbling _around and mumbling to yourself._

_ When I listened closer, I could tell your words were slurred. "Stupid, stupid, stupid… how could I n-not have seen this?" You kept on saying over and over, your words almost slurred into one big word._

_ I still didn't get it, though. I grabbed onto you and hugged you real tight, crying my eyes out. I just felt so lonely, so alone, and I thought you could finally, finally do something that could help me._

_ You were my big brother, after all._

_ But instead of hugging me back like you would have done, Kendall, do you remember what you did?_

_ Of course you don't. So let me remind you._

_ You pushed me back and harshly. So harshly that I fell to the floor, my tears ceased from shock. Then, they just began again. _

_ My big brother, my role model, had just pushed me to the ground._

_ I was confused and I felt so, so betrayed, Kendall. Why? That was the one question ringing through my confused mind. Why would you do this to me?_

_ Then you reached out your foot and kicked me in the stomach. I fell to the floor, my stomach churning, and barfed right there on the floor._

_ I've never been kicked in the stomach before, Kendall. And I've never been hurt by you, my big brother, before, either._

_ Kendall, you must be really confused right now. You're probably asking yourself, "What? What is this girl talking about? I didn't do that!"_

_ But yes you did. And do you know why you don't remember, Kendall? _

_ Because you were drunk. D-r-u-n-k. Drunk as drunk could get._

_ You're 17, Kendall, maybe 18 when you hear these tapes. In America, I'm not sure if you know, but alcohol is prohibited until you're 21 years of age. Really. I'm not kidding you._

_ So how you got your hands on some is beyond my belief. Probably went to some bar or something, didn't you, big brother? Something that you made James, Logan, and even Carlos promise never to do._

_ But you're a hypocrite, Kendall, aren't you? You went ahead and did it._

_ And when I suddenly realized that, it hurt more than that kick you delivered to my stomach. My big brother, my role model, was drinking illegally and now, he was drunk and was physically hurting me._

_ I never thought I'd ever see a day like this. A day where Kendall Knight got drunk and forgot about his baby sister._

_ After the kick and the vomiting, though, you weren't done. You pulled me up and punched me right in the face. I don't know if you noticed who I was, because you just punched me again and again._

_ I tried to run away, but you wouldn't let me go. "You little whore, you little… you little, stupid girl!" You screamed that at me, spit literally flying out of your mouth._

_ You could have punched me a million times, Kendall, and it wouldn't have hurt as much as those words._

_ Because out of everyone in the whole world, Kendall, I never thought _you_ would call me something like that. Something that everyone else called me, even Dad._

_ A whore._

_ I know you were drunk and whatever, and I knew you probably didn't mean it, but the fact that you said it proves that you'd been thinking about it when you were sober._

_ So my big brother had thought I was a whore in real life. You were just too afraid to say it, weren't you? Don't deny it, Kendall, I know about drunk people. They're basically acting like themselves, but just more… bold, I guess._

_ You screamed at me, but that's not all because of the alcohol. It was because you actually thought that, even if it was in the depths of your mind._

_ You pushed me away then, and I ran. I ran away from you and your stupid stinking breath and your horrible words and your painful punches._

_ You were my lifeline, Kendall, but you ripped that line away from me and decided to watch me drown._

_ I know, I know, people will probably tell me it was an accident, that Kendall was drunk and he didn't know what he was doing, but that's just bull._

_ First of all, he was _drunk,_ people. There's obviously something wrong here. The fact the Kendall Knight would go out and do something illegal like that already hurt me like a thousand punches._

_ Kendall had always promised me that we were good kids, and that we followed the law and our parents and that God loved us._

_ But seeing you doing something like that, Kendall, and I wasn't so sure anymore. _

_ Second, you still called me those words. I was probably just a burden to you, Kendall, right? If you really cared about me, why would you have gone out and gotten drunk? Why would you have called me stupid and a whore?_

_ If you really cared about me, you would never have done something like that, and you would have stayed home and comforted me. I could have gotten the help that I needed, Kendall._

_ You were my life raft, but you deflated it and threw it out the window. You watched me drown with a smirk on your face._

_ I still love you, big brother, but you don't love me back._

_ And that's what hurt me the most, even more than those words._

_ And that, folks, is number 12. The next one will be the last one on here, and let me remind you people, it's not a good one._

_ Why else would I save the best for last, huh?_

_ So until next time…_

_ Kendall Knight: My Big Brother_

Kendall barely heard that last part. He was too busy sobbing and sobbing and choking on his sobs.

He had gotten _drunk_ and hurt, _kicked and punched, _his beloved baby sister.

He had called her a _whore._

He wanted to kill himself. He wanted himself to rot for the rest of his life.

He wanted to die.

He couldn't live knowing he'd done that to Katie… Why the heck had he been so _stupid?_ How could he not have noticed? How could he have illegally drunken _alcohol?_

How could he have hurt Katie like that?

Kendall didn't know what to think, he could barely even think as it was. He'd killed Katie, he was a murderer, he was a _monster._

"I'm sorry, Katie! I'm so sorry! You don't deserve to die, Katie! I-I'm a monster and I d-deserve it!" He sobbed, pounding the ground in frustration, grief for Katie, and hatred for himself.

But in the midst of his sobbing, he remembered something. Just a tiny little flash of memory, otherwise destroyed when… when he'd gotten drunk.

Something that happened _before _he got drunk.

_The reason he had gotten drunk._

Kendall was so shocked. The truth hit him like a ton of bricks. His tears ceased. He knew why he had gone out there and gotten drunk.

He knew why he had hurt Katie like that.

He couldn't believe it. He couldn't believe he had forgotten.

Why did he get drunk? He was so _selfish,_ doing that just so he could forget about the one bad thing in his life. He was supposed to protect Katie, yet here he was, getting drunk and now sobbing on the floor.

He knew why. _He knew why._

And suddenly, Kendall Knight knew who number 13 was on Katie's list.

**A/N- AAAAAHHH! DON'T KILL ME, IT'S JUST A STORY! But seriously, wasn't Kendall just… ugh, I can't even say it. Like, seriously, I don't swear.**

**But tell me what you guys think, and who could mystery number 13 be? Why did Kendall get drunk? What will happen after Kendall's finished with the tapes? Guess we'll have to find out next time, folks.**

**Peace, Love, and Giraffes,**

**Anonymous Skrtle **


	16. The Heartless Mother

_**Chapter 16**_

His breath stopped, his heart stopped. He stopped thinking about anything, all except for one thought.

_He knew who number 13 was._

It was so obvious… now that he knew why he had been drunk, it was so obvious. It couldn't have been missed.

Kendall had tried so hard to erase the memory of what had happened that day before he got drunk… he didn't want to believe it. He was in denial, and that was why he had gotten drunk.

He didn't want it to be true.

This was the one person Kendall had thought would never betray him. The one person he had left other than his three best friends. And still, his best friends could never replace this person.

Because that person was his mother. Reason number 13 was his own mom.

Kendall fell to his knees, his hands gripping onto his bed so tight his knuckles turned white. The memory was rushing back to him, all too sudden.

_"Mom? Are you home? I'm back from rehearsal!" Kendall called. Nobody answered him. He peered into the kitchen; nobody. Into the bathroom; nobody. Into his mother's room; there she was._

_ His mother was lying in bed, almost asleep but not quite yet. Kendall quietly walked towards her, wondering why his mother was taking a nap. She never did that._

_ Mrs. Knight had always been full of energy, loving, funny, the best mom a boy could have._

_ That was when Kendall saw that she wasn't alone._

_ There was someone else in bed with her. A man. And they didn't have clothes on._

_ "M-mom?" Kendall choked out, shock and hurt evident on his face. His mother looked up, surprised. She quickly stood up and pulled her undergarments on, and then a long shirt._

_ "K-Kendall! What are you doing back so early!" She said in surprise._

_ Kendall gaped at her. "G-Gustavo let me out… wh-what are you doing, mom?" He breathed out, his eyes wide._

_ His mother smirked at him. "This is Jonathan. My new boyfriend." She introduced, not so worried anymore now that her boyfriend was in the conversation._

_ Kendall's felt tears in his eyes. He hadn't cried since he was 13. "M-mom… but what about dad?" He choked out._

_ His mother laughed. Laughed. "Your father's dead, sweetie. He's not coming back. So why can't I enjoy this while I can?"_

_ Kendall didn't know what to say. He had been supportive of his mother getting a date… but a date was all it was supposed to be. Not sex. Not marriage. Not anything beyond a harmless date._

_ Kendall didn't want his mother to hook up with someone else. She had loved his father… and Kendall thought nothing would ever change that._

_ His mother was hurting his father. His father was _dead_, and here she was, dating someone else instead of honoring their marriage vows to always be together forever. And even though his father was dead… his mother still wasn't supposed to be…_

_ Kendall felt the unfamiliar trail of tears falling down his face. "Mom… why are you doing this do dad?" He whispered._

_ He wasn't expecting what happened next. Not in a million years._

_ His mother reached back and slapped him in the cheek. The slap was hit with so much force that Kendall's head snapped to the left. He gasped without meaning too. It was all just so… unexpected._

_ "Your father was a monster, Kendall! He didn't love us! But Jonathan will, you bastard of a son! He _will_ love us, no matter what you do." Kendall stared at his mother in shock, holding his cheek with his hands._

_ "M-My father was no monster! He was heroic and brave and he _loved_ you, mom!" This time, it was a punch that hit him. But this time, it wasn't his mother._

_ It was her boyfriend._

_ "I love her, too, isn't that enough?" He snarled._

_ Kendall balled his fists up in anger. He'd always been the hotheaded one. If someone hit him, he would hit them back for sure._

_ So he punched Jonathan in the face. The man stumbled back, and his mother looked like she was about to scream._

_ And she did. "Kendall Donald Knight! I raised you better than this! You've always been a failure, we need a man in the house! You're as worthless as your stupid sister!" She yelled._

_ Then Kendall Knight did the inevitable. No one insulted his baby sister like that. He reached out himself and slapped his mother, harshly._

_ His mother panted heavily, then let out a bitter laugh. "Oh, _sweetie,_" She hissed cruelly. "I wish I never had children. They've all turned out to be a disappointment." She turned towards Jonathan, who nodded._

_ Kendall ran out of the room. He had never felt this hurt and this angry in a long time. He was even more hurt than when bullies had made fun of his father after he died. He was even more angry than when a gang beat up Carlos and took all his money and his new leather jacket._

_ He was livid. He wanted to cry. He felt like his heart had broken open._

_ His mother had called him a disappointment. Kendall loved his family… he had sacrificed _everything_ for them… and this is how his own mother thought of him?_

You've always been a failure…_ Failure, failure…_

_ Kendall took deep breaths to calm himself down. He couldn't take this. He'd never felt so hurt, so betrayed, before. Not ever in his life._

_ His own mother had hit him, called him worthless… his own mother had cheated on his dead father._

_ Kendall knew his father was dead… but that didn't mean his mother had stopped loving him… right? And it didn't even sound like his mom had _ever_ loved his father._

_ He hated that the most._

_ He got up, told himself to man up, and stumbled back into his mother's room. He thought he'd already been shocked for a lifetime, but he wasn't prepared for this._

_ His mother and Jonathan were smoking some sort of drug… and by the look of it, they were illegal._

_ They were smuggling drugs._

_ Kendall's eyes opened as wide as saucers, and he stumbled back out of the room like a drunk person._

_ That was when he got the idea. _A drunk person.

_ That was how people took away their pain, wasn't it? By getting drunk._

_ And Kendall Knight didn't think anything had hurt as much as the pain he was experiencing at that moment._

_ He grabbed his keys, his jacket, and left._

_ He didn't want to remember this; ever._

Was that why he beat up poor Katie like that? Was it because he sort of… _blamed_ Katie for his abusive mother?

And even though now that he knew that his own father was a douchebag, too, he still thought his mother's actions were so immorally wrong.

Kendall didn't know who to trust now. He only had his three friends left.

His mother was a complete abuser, always high and kissing someone else. His father was dead and had raped his sister… his sister had killed herself…

His whole family was screwed up. Even him.

After all, if he were normal, he wouldn't have done that to Katie. He wouldn't have… beat her up and called her a _whore._

Kendall let out another sob at that one. What had he done? Why had he gone out and gotten drunk?

He had been so stupid… so stupid.

But he just couldn't handle all that pain… all the betrayal he had felt that day when he found out his mother was some sort of criminal, smuggling illegal drugs and in love with someone else who had helped her get those drugs.

When he found out his mother was going to abuse him.

He didn't know where Jonathan was now… His mother had never talked about him all that much. Actually, she'd _never_ talked about him before. Maybe she didn't want Kendall to know.

After all, why would she? Wasn't Kendall just her _disappointment _of a son?

With tears still in his eyes, Kendall popped in the last tape.

Number 13.

_Number 13. It's the one you've all been waiting for, huh? There's only one of you left out there whose name hasn't been mentioned yet._

_ You know who you are._

_ The rest of you… just a reminder. Pass this on to the next person in line after you. Number 13, keep them. Make sure the next person doesn't see you give it to them. Keep it a secret. And no matter what you do, do _not_ ever speak of these to anyone._

_ Not even your own fellow friends who are on these tapes, too. Do not _ever_ mention who is what number… please. Just don't. This is, like, one of my last wishes, so just please fulfill it, alright?_

_ Wow. Got a little into the self-pity party there for a while. But anyways, without further ado, here is lucky number 13._

_ Number 13: Jennifer Knight._

_ Or as I call her, mom. _

_ I think it started around 1__st__ grade. It started around the 5 year anniversary of my father's death. You seemed so depressed… so glum, all of a sudden._

_ I went up to you one day when we got home to show you the drawing I'd done in art class that day._

_ I was so excited; I still remember holding that piece of paper up with a proud grin on my face._

_ But something seemed to possess your eyes. Something dark, something ominous… something evil._

_ You ripped the paper out of my hands and shredded it with you hands. I cried for you to stop, but you wouldn't._

_ And after you were done, you mumbled, "Stupid kids" and walked away._

_ That was the first time it happened._

_ For a few years, everything was fine. I was a little confused and scared of you for a few weeks, but I soon forgot about it._

_ In 4__th__ grade, things started to get worse. When I got something worse than a B on my test, you'd take me into my room and slap me. _

_ It wasn't even a scolding slap; it was a hard, all-out slap that an adult would give another adult._

_ I was scared of you, mother. And I never told anyone, not even my big brother. Which I do regret._

_ In 5__th__ grade, the abuse started getting a little more serious. You'd grab my arm so hard sometimes that it'd leave bruises. Once, on the last day of school, you punched me in the face._

_ That was when I knew something was wrong with you._

_ You had always been a great mother, Jennifer. I loved you, still did at the time. Because when you weren't abusive, you were the sweetest, most caring mother ever._

_ But when you were… now _that_ was a different story._

_ You transformed into a complete monster, spitting out horrible words and delivering painful punches that left horrible black and blue bruises on me._

_ Just a month ago, actually, you completely teared me down. You took me into my room when the boys were at rehearsal and made me strip down to my panties._

_ You did the same thing Mercedes did, only it hurt more because you were my own mother._

_ You called me horrible names like everyone else had. You kicked me. You pulled my hair._

_ Afterwards, you took me out for dinner and acted like nothing was wrong._

_ And you were good at it too, because no one suspected a thing. Not even paranoid Logan or protective big brother Kendall Knight._

_ None of them suspected a thing._

_ The reason you were number 13 probably doesn't make any sense to you guys out there. But it makes sense to me._

_ You were supposed to love me, mom, but the only thing you did was tell me every single day how much you despised me._

_ You were family, like Kendall, and it hurt more every time you called me a whore or slapped me in the face._

_ It hurt even more than when my big brother did it._

_ Because you weren't drunk, maybe got high a few times, but when you abused me, that was something you willingly did on your own._

_ Something that you have _never_ apologized for._

_ Something you did not regret._

_ Mom, I loved you, but you never loved me back. Not since I turned 7. I barely remember the times when you'd hold me close and sing me lullabies… only the times you stared at me with those glaring black eyes full of hatred and disgust._

_ For me._

_ Only those times when you punched me and hurt me and humiliated me. _

_ Those were the only times I remember clear as day._

_ And that has made my life horrible. I didn't know if I could live knowing that the only clear memories I have of my mother are of her hurting me._

_ That's why I killed myself, reason number 13. The biggest motivation._

_ It was _you_, mother._

_ As I said before, I really wish you rot in jail forever. Or maybe even die a slow and painful death._

_ I don't know… maybe not. But I want you to suffer. You were my mother, mom, and you did nothing but treat me like dirt._

_ I'm sorry, guys, I lied to you all. This isn't the last tape. There's one more that'll come after this one. It's just going to wrap all this up. So don't stop listening, I know you all love these things._

_ Mommy… I just wanted you to love me. But I guess I'm not worth it._

_Jennifer Knight: The Heartless Mother…_

_My mother._

**A/N- Wow. That was intense. And guys, I got, like, FORTY reviews or something for the last chapter. Wow. I have no words to say… but THANK YOU! I knew you guys wanted this update, so here you go! And to thank you guys, it's a long one! Probably my longest yet!**

**There's gonna be a couple of chapters left. You'll see what Kendall does and what happens to his mother. Isn't she just evil? Just so you know, I love Mama Knight… it just fit so well with the story to make her evil… sorry, hehe…**

**Anyways, tell me what ya think! And Check out my new story "With A Little Luck"! It's about the boys as little kids and how they met and stuff. It's gonna be adorably awesome!**

**Peace, Love, and Giraffes,**

**Anonymous Skrtle**


	17. My 13 Reasons Why

_**Chapter 17**_

"Yeah, I'd like to report an… uh, illegal drug transaction." Kendall spoke quietly into the phone. He didn't know where his mother was, but he couldn't let her hear him reporting her.

He couldn't believe he was doing this… but at the same time, he _could._ And he didn't regret it. Not one bit.

Reporting his own mother. Kendall would have never even dreamt of it… but things were getting to be too much. His mother had abused not only him, but Katie, and for a much longer time. She'd smuggled drugs with a boyfriend she'd never even mentioned to Kendall.

Kendall was done hiding. He wasn't going to let his mother hurt someone he loved again. He was already too late to save Katie, but he wasn't too late to save James, Logan, and Carlos.

He knew what he had to do, even though it was one of the hardest things he'd ever done in his life.

Send his mother to prison, and make sure she never came back out to hurt him or his loved ones again.

"The police will be here right away to check the evidence, alright?" Kendall thanked the female dispatcher on the phone and sat down on his bed. His head pounded like a million people were hammering on it, but he didn't regret his decision and his actions one bit.

His mother was going to jail. And Kendall would never have to deal with here again. His cruel mother, who he had trusted with his life, had been a backstabber all along.

Katie had died because of her. Well, pretty much. She was number 13, wasn't she? She was the worst reason on those tapes.

Kendall was going to get his revenge. He was doing so right at that moment.

"Kendall?" Kendall looked up, not even noticing someone was in his room. He froze. What if it was his mother? Had she heard everything?

But then Kendall almost smacked himself for being so cowardly. He could take his mother on. He could restrain her until the police showed up. He shouldn't have to be afraid of his own mother.

His cruel, cowardly mother. She should be afraid of _him._

But it wasn't his mother. It was Carlos.

"U-Um, Kendall? There's cops at the door." He told him innocently. Kendall stood up.

"You know why, though, right?" Kendall asked Carlos. Carlos had never been the brightest, but he seemed to understand.

He smiled at Kendall. "Me and James and Logan were waiting for you to do something about her."

Kendall smiled. He walked over and wrapped his arm around Carlos. "Yeah… and thanks for letting me figure this out on my own."

Kendall greeted the cops and led them to where his memory told him were the drugs. They were right where he thought they were.

Guess they didn't think Kendall would remember this. After all, he'd gotten drunk, and his mother had known about it.

She'd been disappointed, but Kendall hadn't thought that she was faking it. The thought would have never entered his mind before the tapes. Not in a million years.

But she had been, and the police were able to prove that the drugs were indeed smuggled illegally. At least they said they could if they took it back to this special lab thing they had at the police station.

His job was done here. It turned out that his mother wasn't home, was out doing something. Kendall assumed she was with that despicable Jonathan guy, who got her to take in illegal drugs just for him.

Kendall hated that man.

But even though Kendall had emphasized to his three best friends that he absolutely hated, _despised,_ his mother, he wasn't sure deep down.

After all, his mother had gave birth to him. His mother was the one who had signed him up for peewee hockey, gave him so many presents, given up everything to take him to L.A. to pursue their dreams (well, James's, at the time).

How could he just let go of her in the snap of his fingers?

He couldn't. That was why Kendall hated himself even more. He couldn't let go of his mother, couldn't hate her, even though she had hurt his baby sister and him.

He still loved her.

But just not as much.

Mothers were supposed to love their children, their husband, their family. And Jennifer Knight had, for a while, at least. Kendall didn't know what it was that made her snap.

But then he realized… Katie had said his mother's beatings had started a little after his father had died…

That was it. His father dying had changed his mother. She needed someone to love her, someone to love, so she chose Jonathan.

And maybe Kendall should cut her some slack. After all, how did he expect his mother to just sit there every day grieving for someone already lost? Wouldn't it just be better for her to find someone else?

But still… he'd smuggled drugs. And his mother had just gone along with it. His mother wasn't shy; she would have reported him if she didn't love him. She'd gone bad along with him.

And she deserved to go to jail. Maybe not for the rest of her life, but for some time. A long time. And Kendall would make sure it happened.

Kendall had no proof that his mother had abused them, so she had to get arrested because of her drugs. She had to. Or else Kendall didn't know how to live with himself.

That night, he received a call from the police. Trial was Monday, in 3 days. His mother would probably hire a really horrible lawyer, since she didn't have any money and Kendall would never lend her any.

When she came home, Kendall could tell by the look in her eyes that she had received the call from the police. But he couldn't read the emotions hidden there.

She was emotionless. And suddenly, Kendall was afraid for his life.

His mother hadn't hesitated to hurt Katie… what would she do to him? An 18 year old, tall and strong boy? She had Jonathan. She could make him do all kinds of things to Kendall.

Then, an even more horrifying thought; she could make Jonathan do horrible things to his friends.

And that's when Kendall snapped. He grabbed his mom by the collar of her shirt and pulled her in close to his face.

"You better not hurt my friends. You or Jonathan even so much as _touch_ James, Logan, or Carlos, I will make this more painful than it has to be. Alright?" His tone was so evil, so cruel, that Kendall almost stopped.

He sounded just like his mother now. But he didn't stop. He just let go of her gently and gave her a firm nod. His mother gazed at him, her eyes fiery and defiant.

Kendall knew she wouldn't listen. And he knew he still loved her too much to hurt her in any way, except send her to jail.

Kendall hated himself for being so wimpy. But he couldn't physically hurt his mother. He couldn't.

But he _could_ make sure his friends stayed as far away as possible from his mother and Jonathan as they could. But first, he had to wait for his mother to plead guilty in that trial and be sent to jail.

Then, they'd be far away from her. But not Jonathan. Kendall didn't know what to do about him.

But maybe Jonathan would be sent to jail with his mother if his mother gave him away. _If_ being the key word.

And just like Kendall loved his mother too much to hurt her for hurting him and his sister, his mother loved Jonathan too much to put the blame on something that he obviously did.

So that was that, and Kendall could do nothing to change it. Could he?

No. He couldn't. He'd already gotten too involved. He had put himself and his best friends in danger from that Jonathan monster.

He could only protect his friends and himself the best he could.

Then he remembered. Katie had said there was one last tape. Maybe she had hidden something there for him… maybe. He was still her brother, right? And she would know what dangers he'd be in after he got his mother in trouble.

She would help him, right? His baby sister still loved him enough to do that, right?

Kendall pressed play on his player and listened to the static for a few seconds. Then, his sweet sister's voice.

_So, everyone, that's a wrap. You know the 13 reasons now, and I want you to pass down your tape to the next person in line. I want this to all go smoothly._

_ And Mrs. Number 13, you keep these. Please._

_ I hope you guys all enjoyed this, in a sick kind of way, at least. Now you all know what each other did to me, all because of these amazing tapes._

_ And as for my keeper of tapes, thank you. I couldn't have done this without you. You still care about me, at least I think so, and I'm sorry I had to leave. It was just too much for me. You have always been so helpful and I know you will continue to be._

_ And for some of the people on these tapes, I know you still love me, too, but I don't see it as a complete love because of what you did._

_ And I need someone's complete love to keep going. But I never got ti._

_ So I left._

_ First off, Stephanie King, who I trusted to keep my biggest secret, but who instead stabbed me in the back with it._

_ Jo Taylor, who blackmailed me to get my brother to be her girlfriend, and posted fake pictures of me even after she got what she wanted._

_ Mercedes Griffin, who deceived me into being her friend, and then humiliated me in front of herself and her boyfriend._

_ Kyle Phillips, who stood me up on my first date for all the public to see and witness and laugh about._

_ The Jennifers, who verbally demoralized me with their horrible, fake friendship._

_ Jett Stetson, who charmed me into being lured into his apartment, where he had the perfect chance to humiliate my body and my soul._

_ James Diamond, whom I loved with all my heart, but didn't love me back._

_ Carlos Garcia, who was stood by, watching with wide eyes, as I was hurt over and over again._

_ Logan Mitchell, who abused his intelligence to post horrific blogs about me for the whole world to see._

_ Lily Collins, who abused her privileges of being a teacher to make sure that everyone hated me._

_ Gustavo Rocque, who was too caught up in fame and fortune to comfort me when I needed it the most._

_ Kendall Knight, who ran away from his problems by getting drunk, and abused me in a way I never imagined._

_ And, of course, Jennifer Knight, Mom, who beat me physically and called me demoralizing names to break me down, one piece at a time._

_ These 13 people, all you people out there listening, are my reasons._

_ My 13 reasons why._

**A/N- Alrighty, that's all of Katie's tapes! (sad face) You won't be hearing from her again… except in Kendall's thoughts and stuff. Awww…**

**Anyways, thanks for all the reviews last chapter, review this chapter and tell me what you thought about it! **

**We'll see next time what Kendall does with his mother and how he protects his friends and himself from the evil Jonathan. So… yeah.**

**Peace, Love, and Giraffes,**

**Anonymous Skrtle**


	18. Jonathan

_**Chapter 18**_

Jennifer Knight returned home a few nights later at midnight. Kendall was just drifting off to sleep, being kept up by his constant worrying and fear.

He heard the door slam shut, heard his mother laugh to herself. He didn't know what was funny, and he didn't want to know.

The trial was in a few days, and Kendall was prepared to send his mother into jail. He wanted to send her into jail. Maybe for the rest of her life.

But then who would take care of them? Kendall was 18, and so was James, so he could live by himself as an adult. But Logan and Carlos were only 17, and Carlos was barely 17, so could they?

Kendall didn't know if he could take care of them like his mother had. He barely was able to take care of himself. He didn't know if he was responsible enough. They would have to head back to Minnesota, back to their families. All four of them.

And how would they pay the rent? Kendall didn't even know when Big Time Rush was start up again, so they had no way to make money except apply for full-time jobs.

He couldn't do that to his friends. He didn't want to make them work. And even if they all worked, they would barely get by. An apartment with a swirly slide wasn't cheap.

There was no other way to make it work. They would have to abandon their dreams even though they were so far along, and head back home. They would have to give up. Quit.

But then he remembered. Kelly. She had mentioned that whatever he needed, he could ask her. And Gustavo had 8 mansions. He only used 1. So… Maybe they could live there and…

Kendall stopped himself. Had he forgotten that this was _Gustavo_ he was talking about? The man who ignored his baby sister when she needed help the most.

But who was he to talk? Hadn't he, knowing that his own mother was hurting his baby sister, got out and got drunk to try and _forget?_

Kendall shook his head, his head aching from all the thinking and confusion and guilt. Always that guilt. He pulled out his phone. He was just about to press call when someone entered the room.

Kendall looked up. "Mom? What do you want?" He asked angrily.

His mother smiled a little at him. "Oh, sweetie… I'm your mother. Can't I just worry about you?"

Kendall wanted to barf. He knew somewhere deep down, he still loved his mother, but as of then, he absolutely hated her.

"No. You can't just worry about me. You aren't even for real. You don't care a crap about me, and you're just scared you're going to jail!" Kendall yelled. He heard footsteps, a lot of them, coming towards his room.

James, Logan, and then Carlos peeked their heads through the door, scared. "Kendall? Are you okay?" James asked quietly.

Mrs. Knight turned towards them, making them gulp in fear. "I'm having a private conversation with Kendall here, guys. Leave us alone."

James stepped inside the room. Logan and Carlos, after sharing a nervous glance, followed. "Mrs. Knight, I used to think of you as my second mother… But I can't imagine you being anywhere other than jail right now." He said seriously.

Kendall looked at him gratefully. His friends would always be there for him, no matter what came around. Even if he wasn't there for them.

Mrs. Knight laughed. It was an evil laugh, a sound Kendall never wanted to hear again. "Boys, boys, boys… All so innocent, so _stupid._ You boys can't testify against me if you don't show up to court."

The four boys froze, not knowing what she meant, but knowing it wasn't something good.

Just then, Kendall heard someone closing the front door to 2J. The next few minutes Kendall saw in a confused and angry haze.

Jonathan, all 6 foot 3 of him, stomped into the room, grabbing his mother and kissing her on the lips. Then, he whistled, and three other guys came in, all the same size as him.

Without warning, the four men each grabbed one of the boys, tied their hands up. Kendall struggled, kicked, punched, but to no avail. The men had tied all four of them up, blindfolded them, and were sneaking out the window in his bedroom.

Two minivans were waiting just under the window, and two men went into each one. Kendall could see what was going on, couldn't see where they threw him into, didn't know who else was with him.

All he knew was that he would never, _ever,_ forgive his mother again.

_line line line_

Kendall knew one of his friends was beside him. He didn't know which one he wanted it to be. James would be able to offer comfort, but Kendall wanted to be there for Logan and Carlos, too…

He could feel the car starting up, and then driving off. He wanted to scream, to do something. He reached into his pocket for his phone but came out with nothing. The men had taken their phones, too.

Suddenly, he felt someone's feet on his back. They didn't have shoes on them. The feet did something, and suddenly, Kendall felt the rope behind him loosen.

He immediately knew it was one of his friends. He struggled a little until the rope came completely loose. Kendall automatically turned toward whoever had helped him and untied his back. Then, they both took off their blindfolds.

"Kendall?" It was Logan. Kendall tried to turn towards where the voice was coming from, but he couldn't see Logan's face. Just his dark figure in the darkness.

"Logan? You alright? How did you do that?" Kendall asked, amazed.

"I'm smart, you know that." Logan replied curtly. Kendall smiled at that.

"Well, thanks. Seriously. Thank you."

"No problem. Was… was that your mother's boyfriend?" He asked hesitantly, voice laced with panic. Kendall had almost forgotten. His friends knew about his mother. They knew she was horrible. They knew why they had gotten kidnapped.

"Yeah. Jonathan." Kendall responded bluntly. He didn't know what to say. He didn't know what to do. He had caused all of this… how was he going to get out of it? How was he going to get his friends out of it?

Because no matter what, Kendall would make sure nothing happened to his friends, even if it meant harming himself. Even if it meant sacrificing himself.

"Kendall… It's not your fault, you know." Logan started quietly, seeming to read Kendall's mind.

Suddenly, Kendall was angry. Angry at his mother, her stupid boyfriend, and most of all, himself. "This _is_ my fault, Logan. If only I had figured out sooner… That witch would be in jail right now!" He said loudly.

Logan put a finger to his lips. "Don't talk so loud. They might hear us."

Kendall pushed his hand away. "And who cares if they do? They've already got us kidnapped… they're gonna hurt us and maybe even _kill_ us…" Kendall trailed off.

Logan sighed. "Yeah… I know. But just… try not to anger them. Maybe they'll let us go after the trial."

The trial. The fact that Kendall wasn't going to be there to testify against his own mother angered him all over again. "That lady! She knows she's guilty, and this is her way of trying to get out of it? I swear I'm going to-"

"Kendall, stop. We're going to find a way out of this." Logan started.

"And I don't even know how James and Carlos are, and this is all my stupid fault… I should've just moved us away from here when I could have-"

"Kendall, seriously. Calm down. Don't worry about that right now."

"I could have saved you guys… she should have just taken me. I can deal with it… but I can't watch you guys get hurt by them. I just-"

"Kendall!" Kendall flinched a little at the loud voice. Logan never yelled. "Calm down! No one's blaming you." He continued, a little softer this time.

Kendall breathed heavily. "But… I know, it's just… I'm sorry, Logan. I shouldn't have dragged you guys into this mess."

He felt a hand on his shoulder. "You didn't drag us into anything, Kendall. Your mother and Jonathan did this. Their the ones at blame. Kendall… you've been great to us. And I know we can get out of this alive."

Kendall didn't know what to think. Logan had always been the pessimistic one. Why was he suddenly so hopeful. "You… really think we can? I mean, get out of this alive?" Kendall asked softly.

"We'll try out best." Logan responded confidently.

Kendall let out a long breath. "Yeah. We will. We'll be alright."

Neither boy spoke for a while. "You think James and Carlos are alright?" Kendall finally asked, his voice always too loud in the unending darkness.

"Yeah. I'm sure they're fine. James will protect Carlos. And Carlos will make sure James doesn't think depressing thoughts like you did." Logan responded. Kendall was comforted by that. It was true. James and Carlos would be alright.

"Logan?"

"Yeah?"

"Thanks."

Logan let out a small breath. "Yeah. You're welcome."

**A/N- Short chapter, I know… But there was a twist none of you guys were expecting, huh? Well, at least I hope it was a good twist… So I made this chapter short, since so much already happened.**

**People wanted this story to continue, so I thought it'd be fun to see how this turned out if I got them kidnapped. But trust me, the story isn't going to last much longer. But there'll still be a bunch of chapters.**

**Tell me what you thought of this,**

**Anonymous Skrtle**


	19. Mans with the Plans

_**Chapter 19**_

James's head jerked forward and hit something hard when the car jerked to a stop. He wanted to shout out some profanities at the driver, who sucked, but his mouth was tied shut.

He didn't know where he was, who he was with, or when he would be let out of the stuffy car. All he knew was why he was here. Jennifer Knight's insane boyfriend wanted to destroy them all.

James laughed at that a little… destroy _them?_ Yeah, they could try.

But this time, James felt the car stop for minutes on end. It didn't continue going. They had arrived wherever they were supposed to be.

He flinched back when the door was slammed open. He met even more darkness, and he heard crickets chirping. It was funny what you could hear when you were blindfolded. Someone roughly threw him onto the ground, and James yelped in protest. They ignored him.

Finally, someone untied him after leading him down some stairs, a hallway, and then another flight of stairs. James counted the stairs. Four on the first set, twelve on the second set.

He was going to get his friends out of here. He was going to do anything it took.

The same person untied him and then took his blindfold off. James glared at the large man. He had blonde hair, green eyes, same height as James, looked a little chubby.

James wanted to remember every detail. So he could bust these people when he escaped. He was so focused on memorizing every detail on that man's face that he almost didn't notice the person next to him.

It was Carlos.

Someone else untied Carlos, and after James memorized the details of that man too, the two men left. Back up the 12 stairs.

James looked at Carlos, and Carlos stared back, his eyes wide and scared. They didn't speak until they were sure the men weren't coming back.

"Are you alright, Carlos?"

Carlos shrugged. "Yeah… I guess. Do you know where we are?" He asked.

James shrugged back. "No clue. But we'll get out of here, don't you worry. I'll get us out of here alive."

"But… y-you don't this place." Carlos pointed out. "So you can't be sure."

James scoffed. Carlos looked down at his hands. "When did you get so pessimistic, Carlos? You're supposed to be the 'glass half-full' kind of guy."

Carlos didn't respond. He just sat down and huddled in the corner with his arms around himself. James frowned down at his younger friend. There was something wrong; Carlos didn't usually act like this.

But then, James didn't usually get kidnapped every day either.

He sat down next to Carlos, wrapping a protective arm around him. "Hey, what's wrong, little bro? You're… different." He asked gently. Carlos looked up.

"I… I don't know. I'm just… I'm just scared, James… I wanna get out of here," he said quietly, his voice going up a pitch and tears springing into his eyes. "I-I don't wanna die, James…"

James blew out his breath slowly. "Carlos, we're not going to die. I'll make sure of it. I'll make sure we're all okay. We'll get out of here soon… the latest we'll get out is after the trial. That's only a few days away. We'll be fine, Carlos." James assured him gently.

Carlos leaned his head against James's shoulder. "O-Okay… but where are Kendall and Logan?"

As if on cue, the door up the stairs opened, and Kendall and Logan were dragged down and given the same treatment. They groaned and protested a little at the men's roughness, but the men ignored them.

James made sure to get another good look at the faces.

"You guys alright?" Logan asked quietly. James stood up. Carlos stayed huddled in his corner.

"Yeah… well, you know…" James trailed off. They all knew.

Kendall cleared his throat. "Alright, we're going to get out of here." He stated firmly. He sounded so sure, so absolutely sure, that James believed him.

They were going to be okay. They were going to get out of here. Very soon.

They were not going to let Mrs. Knight, Jennifer, get what she wanted. She deserved to rot in jail, and they were going to make sure of it.

Suddenly, a silhouette of a man, a huge and burly man, dominated the top of the stairs. He laughed, and it sounded so comically evil could have laughed. But he didn't.

"Hello, boys. I'm glad to see you're all okay." It was Jonathan, the boys could tell from his voice. Carlos grabbed onto the back of James's shirt in fear, and James planted himself in front of Carlos.

He wasn't going to let him get hurt. Not by this monster. He wouldn't let _any_ of his friends get hurt by this monster who called himself a man.

"What do you want from us?" James demanded courageously, his heart pumping unusually fast. Jonathan smiled, both rows of his perfect white teeth showing.

"Oh, boys… we don't want anything from you. We're just going to keep you here until the trial is over." He said, looking genuinely kind. But the boys knew better than to believe his guise.

Kendall stood up. "That's not fair! You know you're going to lose, and you're trying to cheat out of it! You know it's going to sound suspicious." Kendall said, glaring at the buff man.

Before any of them could react, the man reached out and punched Logan in the face. The boy stumbled back, and Kendall caught him. He stared at the man like he was going to kill him.

The man laughed. "Oh, Kendall. It's time you learn that life isn't fair. Nothing's fair. And if you talk back like that again, it's going to be your other little friend this time." He said, grinning at Carlos, who widened his eyes and pulled himself closer to James.

Kendall closed his mouth, but he didn't stop glaring at the man like he was trying to put holes through him.

The man laughed again. "Oh, you boys are so adorable. Now be good for me, okay?" The man laughed again and walked back up the stairs, glancing back a couple of times. The boys didn't move.

When he shut the door and locked it shut, Kendall listened for a few minutes to make sure he wasn't coming back. Then he turned to the boys, a determined expression on his face. "I'm going to get us out of here." He said quietly. When James looked into his green eyes, he could tell Kendall was 100% serious.

Then his eyes softened, and he turned to Logan. "You alright, Logan? I swear, when we get out I'm going to _kill_ him." He threatened, his voice low.

Logan sighed. "I'm fine, Kendall. Don't worry about me. We have to find a way to get out, like you said." He looked around. "Any ideas?"

James shrugged. "You're the smart one here. I have no clue whatsoever. Though it can't be hard, considering these people are dimwits."

Kendall laughed at that. "Got that one right, pretty boy. We'll get out of here, no sweat. Especially since we have Logan here. He's a genius." He stated, like we didn't know already."

Logan chuckled bitterly. "Yeah, with academics and stuff. I'm not good with escaping dark basements. _And _I'm not good under pressure… and, um, _pressure!_" He states, gesturing wildly with his hands at their surroundings.

Kendall sighed, biting his lip in thought. Then he got that little glint in his eyes when he had a plan. He glanced towards James, grinning a little. James stared back at him. "What is it? You know how to get out?"

Kendall smirked at him. "No, but I know someone who does."

Logan gaped at him. "Dude. There's not one here but us- _oh…_" He trailed off in recognition. "Yeah, I see what you're saying."

James looked back and forth between them. "What's going on? Guys, you know I'm not that smart!" He whined.

Kendall laughed at that. "Oh, James… the answer is right in front of you eyes… actually, right behind you, literally." James looked behind him.

Carlos…. Right. He was the son of a police officer. Surely he knew how to get out here without getting caught.

Carlos stared back at them with a deer in the headlights look. "Y-you're talking about _me?"_ He asked.

Kendall wrapped his arm around Carlos. "Yep. I know you know how to get us out of here. Come on, Carlos, you're dad's a police officer! You've got to have seen cases like these!" He prodded Carlos.

Carlos chewed on his lip. "I… I-I-I-I don't know, but I'll try." He finally said.

Kendall grinned. "That's my boy. Now, come on. Think!"

Carlos glanced up at the door. "I think James can kick the door down if it opens away from us. If the door opens towards us, than it's probably impossible." He said.

Logan smiled. "See? I knew you were smart, Carlos. And yes, the door opens away from us, so James can break it down."

Carlos nodded. "Okay. When you break it down, you have to kick your heel as close to the lock as you can." He explained. James looked at the door and clenched his fists together. He could break that door down. No sweat.

"Okay… so after that, then what?" James asked. No one responded for a while.

Then, Kendall suddenly sat up straight. "Kelly. She called me a few days ago and left me her number. If we can just get her number again, we can break down the doors and call her." Kendall explained excitedly.

"Why not just call 911, genius?" James asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Well, _genius,_ they disabled 911 from the landline." Logan shot back.

James sighed. "Alright, alright. Then how are we going to remember Kelly's number? She's never even given it to me before."

Carlos nodded in agreement. "Or me."

Kendall looked at Logan expectedly. Logan grinned at them. "I remember it. She gave it to Gustavo once and I… sort of eavesdropped and memorized it…" He looked at the other boys' faces. "Hey, you never knew when you'll need it!"

Kendall nodded. "Yeah. And now we need it. Good job, Logan."

Carlos piped up. "But… but we still need something to distract them or they'll see us. And if they hear James breaking down the door, they'll stop us before we can even get out."

James nodded in thought. "So we have to make some sort of loud noise to distract them from me breaking down the door." He said thoughtfully, looking around.

"Wow. Everyone's just blowing me away with their genius today." Kendall joked. But James could tell Kendall was proud of him. And Carlos and Logan. And himself probably, too.

They were going to get out of this safe and sound. And ready to bust Mrs. Knight and send her to jail.

The boys looked around. There was nothing that could make a loud enough noise… except…

"The smoke detector. If we can activate the smoke detector, then we can distract them_ and_ get out at the same time." Logan said.

"How can we do that?" Carlos asked.

Logan shrugged. He stood up. "Look, there's an alarm right there." Sure enough, they saw a green light flashing periodically. "James, lift Carlos onto your shoulders so he can see it."

James obeyed, getting Carlos to climb on his shoulders. He grunted a little and lifted the smaller boy up. Carlos was just able to reach the smoke detector.

"Okay, Carlos… break open the top of that thing and check if the batteries need to be changed or not."

Carlos pried open the smoke detector covering, staring at the batteries with a confused look on his face. "How do you know?"

Logan sighed. "Just… here, throw one down to me."

Carlos obeyed, and Logan scrutinized the battery. "Nope. Brand new. So we can't wait for the detector to run out of battery and start sounding." Carlos put the battery back and got off of James's shoulders.

The boys stared at each other. "Guys… we all know there's only one thing we can do if we want to get out of here alive." Kendall started.

He never finished his sentence, because all four boys knew what he was talking about.

They had to start a fire to sound the alarm. And _then_ James could break the door.

But that meant that James had to be able to break it down. And fast.

Or they would all be dead by morning.

**A/N- Hey, guys… sorry about the slow update… school's been so busy lately and I'm just getting used to it and adjusting and stuff. Hopefully updates will be faster… but I don't know.**

**And did you hear? Carlos is ENGAGED with Alexa Vega! I'm so happy for him! And I'm also happy for one of my best friend's little brother, who just asked a girl out to Homecoming! It was so cute how he did it, too, cuz they're in karate together and he wrote "can you be my side kick to homecoming". Isn't that the cutest thing?!**

**Enough about my boy rant. Review and tell me what you thought of the boys' plans and stuff. I looked up how to break down a door and the I got all sidetracked for a while reading about kidnaps of Elizabeth Fritzl and Jaycee Lee Dugard and Amanda Berry and all that… oh, I'm going to have nightmares tonight.**

**Whatever. I'm not afraid of nightmares. I'm a big girl now. And big girls don't cry (okay, I'm really hyper or something, cuz now I'm quoting songs).**

**Peace, Love, and Giraffes,**

**Anonymous Skrtle **


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